Requisite and Sensibility

Chapter 23 - Letters

Shuri looked out at the lake behind Clint's farmhouse, T'Challa's reception was held here. She wrapped her arms around her, tears forming in her eyes all over again. "Hey." Edward took a seat next to Shuri, she acknowledged his presence with a hum. "How are you doing?" "I've had better days." Shuri responded in a whisper. "So have I." She looked over at the 17-year-old, smiling softly sympathetically, "You miss your mom?"

Edward looked out glassily, "Dad's drinking again... not a single day he isn't drunk. Uncle Buck keeps slipping into Russian, scaring the hell out of me. Aunt Nat... she just stays closed up in her room. My siblings, busy with their significant others, because what else can we do to distract ourselves from the pain. Pop-pop? He's dead... smiles but you can see the pain behind it. And Mom, she's nowhere to be found, gone, disappeared off this planet... this whole universe." The teenager buried his head in his hands as he took shaky, heavy breaths, it took Shuri several seconds to realize that he was sobbing.

She laid a hand over his back and rubbed it soothingly, she thought about her own brother, gone. Did it haunt Megan knowing what she did? Did it horrify her to know that she had killed and wounded and damaged so many people beyond repair, did she suffer? If only Shuri knew how much.

***

Megan woke up screaming again, her screams echoing off the walls of the complex. Her heart racing, she tried to calm down. Another nightmare, she watched as T'Challa's limp body fell to the floor, Megan sobbed loudly. Grabbing the blade on her nightstand she pushed it into her skin, feeling relief as the blood poured out of her onto her plastic-covered sheets. "Ok, ok, you're fine." Megan spoke to herself, she murmured to herself, calming her down. "She can't find you here, she can't."

Megan looked up into the dark to see a figure looking exactly like her mom and she screamed again, scrambling as she pushed her body to the back wall. She looked again and there was nothing there, she was seeing things again. Megan hyperventilated, staring at the spot she thought her mom was, Wanda's screams tortured her ears as she sobbed more. "Please, please, no." Megan took another blade and pressed it into her thigh, close to her previous scar on her thigh. Her body was littered with scars due to the amount of times she had pressed in her razor blades to her skin.

Megan gulped, pinching the back vein in her neck she fell unconscious into her bed, this was the only way she could get herself to sleep. She had work in the morning, she had to sleep so she could live a "normal" life, as normal as possible. She woke up again in the morning, yawning. Thankfully, her sleep was dreamless this time and she walked into her closet filled to the brim with blazers, dress shirts, pencil skirts and trousers. Throwing on a black skirt, white dress shirt and black blazer, and cream heels, along with dark red lipstick Megan quickly walked to her car, revving the engine and getting to work.

She walked to her desk and sat down, exhausted already, her co-worker, Candice walked up to her and leaned over her desk. "Rumor has it, Sanjay likes you." Megan hummed. "Missy? Did you hear me?" Megan was about to ask who Missy was and give herself away before she remembered Missy was her name, first name now. "Yeah, yeah. Sanjay likes me, sure." "He's hot. That jawline, those warm, brown eyes. You're not into him?" Megan shook her head, "Missy America! How can you not like him?"

Megan chuckled at Candice, "I don't swing that way. Men, ugh." Candice blinked, "Fine, rumor has it Layla also has a crush on you." "Don't swing that way either." "Then what? You like aliens?" Megan smiled, "No, I don't like anyone. I'm assexual." "A woman this fine shouldn't be assexual." Candice mused, "I mean, you're beautiful enough to be with Captain America." Candice chuckled at her joke, but Megan had stilled. She blinked rapidly, hoping to avoid the tears, she really missed Steve, Buck and Nat, especially Steve though.

She bit down on her lip as she heard her coworker drone on and on about which Avengers are the hottest. "You know... I liked Femme Fatale the best." Megan bit down harder on her lip, "They say, she betrayed the team, an inside job and that's why she ran away, nowhere to be found." Megan plastered a fake smile on her face, "you don't really think that that's true. Just fake news, propaganda." Candice rolled her eyes, "Sure. Whatever." Candice wandered off and Megan pursed her lips, looking around and then taking out the folded paper. She read through the letters once again and nodded satisfied. She would drop them off at the post office tonight.

***

Steve's hands shook as he ripped open his letter, he took out the neatly folded paper, perfectly folded into three. He chuckled as he remembered Megan's OCD about small things like this, she was very particular about certain things. Smoothing out the frayed edges, he took a deep breath and started to read

Dear Steve,

It seems like centuries ago when you first told me you loved me. Remember? We were utterly cheesy back then, I mean you tell me that at my prom? Cliche much? Anyways, time passed on and with it, the love in my heart only grew stronger for you to the point where it made me vulnerable. Left me open to be used... only for you, your love filled my heart and kept filling it, but eventually if you add enough air to a balloon it will pop. My love for you will never falter, but my resolve to love you has weathered away.

The look in your eyes was so pained, so deeply despondent when you looked at me in that glass cell and that shattered my heart more than anything else could. Your words rang true in my ears, "Our children, my loved ones are suffering because of you, trust me... if I was physically able to you, you would've been long dead already." I don't hold this against you, I wish you could kill me, I wish I could die, believe me I'm currently trying. I can't hurt any of you any longer, not you, not Nat, not Buck, not my children, not anyone, so I'm gone.

Some day, one day when I find Hailey and make her choke on her own blood, then only, perhaps, I will be able to meet you again. Until then, I bade you farewell, my love. You will always hold a higher, more special place in my heart over Nat and Buck, even over my own father. I hope that one day we can meet again and we can be happy again, of course if you take me back. If not, then please find someone new, move on, build a new life with Natasha and James, I beg you to. Love my kids please, keep them like the precious jewels they are, make sure they somehow forget me, no sense in making them hurt more.

Goodbye love,

Megan, your wife

Steve leaned his head back into the wall, his eyes wet with the tears that had slid down his cheeks. He folded the paper and hid it in his drawer, running down to the gym, he began punching the bag, harder than he had ever before.

***

Dear Avengers, dear family,

Some legends are told, some turn to dust or to gold. Let me be the one that turns to dust, you all should live on. Everybody should know of the brave heroes that stood against their greatest foe, one of their own. I've found out some things from... a friend of mine. I'm sorry for your legs, Rhodes, I'm sorry for your loss Shuri, I'm sorry for everything that I did to everyone. As much as I want to blame Hailey, I know I had a part to play in this and nothing can excuse me from that, so I've left... hopefully my absence can keep you all safe.

I've built a new life, but I'll never forget all of you. Also, I've bargained something for you all, talking with the other gods and goddesses on Olympus, I've managed to convince them to make you all immortal. Immortal in the sense that you won't die from old age, you won't get sick in any way, there is one condition though. If engaged in battle and you get fatally wounded, then you will die, but other than that nothing will kill you. There won't be any more battles, I've made sure of that. I hope you all can forgive me.

One day, I might come back, I might see you all again, but my heart tells me otherwise. So for now, this is goodbye.

Regards,

Megan Stark-Rogers