To Learn to Let Go | ✔

Chapter 36

A/N: This chapter is in Trent's P.O.V. because I really wanted to capture the conversation he has with his dad from his perspective, I didn't want you to hear it from Grayson eavesdropping outside. Hopefully this also gives you more insight into Trent as a character as well. I don't really like to change voices mid book but I thought this was necessary. I hope you enjoy! 

Trent's P.O.V.

We got to the hospital and quickly found my dad's room. He was awake and reading a book while watching the news. I knocked lightly before Grayson and I entered the room, hand in hand. Dad looked over at us and... smiled?

"Hey son," he said, closing his book and setting it on the nightstand by his bed.

"Dad. How are you feeling?" I asked, Grayson tensing up beside me.

"Like I could use a drink," he laughed. My face dropped. "I'm joking, I'm sorry that wasn't funny."

"You're going to stop drinking, right dad?" I asked in a near whisper, eyes on the linoleum floor.

"I am. There's a program here at the hospital, I have to complete it before returning to work."

"You're going to take it seriously, right? You're not just going to make things look good to get clearance and then go back to the way things were?"

"Trent, I'm serious about this. I know there's no fixing the pain I've caused, but I hope that we can try to move forward from this."

I just nodded, unsure of how to respond to that. How do you move forward from your father killing your mother, then abusing you for years in a drunken haze, all to eventually throw you out for being queer? I didn't know if we could have any kind of relationship. So, we stood awkwardly in silence for a few moments. Grayson was clutching onto my hand like he might fall through the floor if he let go. I pulled him closer to me and kissed his head, reassuring him with a tight squeeze that he was safe. I knew being around my father must be triggering for him, but he knew I couldn't do this alone. I was so thankful for Grayson, he was the rock that was holding me together right now, so understanding and loving, I don't know what I ever did to deserve him. I made a mental note to myself to make sure I showed him how appreciative I was.

"It's Grayson, right?" Dad asked as he turned his attention to my boyfriend. Gray nodded nervously and held tighter to me.

"Would you mind giving us a few minutes to talk?"

"Dad, anything you have to say to me you can say in front of my boyfriend." A look I couldn't quite place flashed across his face at the word 'boyfriend.'

"Trent, please. I want to just have a conversation with you," he pleaded.

"Alright," I sighed before turning to face Grayson. "I'll be okay baby." I kissed him gently before ushering him out of the room. "So talk," I said flatly as I turned back to my father.

"I owe you a million apologies, son. And like I said I don't think I can ever fix things, but I have to try."

"You can't fix a dead mom, you can't fix disowning me for who I love, you can't fix years of neglect and physical and emotional abuse due to your drinking!" I shouted, face no doubt red with anger. A lump was forming in my throat and I tried to blink back the tears that were welling up in my eyes.

"Cut the hostility, Trent. I'm trying to have a serious conversation."

"So am I! I'm serious. There is nothing you can do that will make up for all of the fucked-up shit you've done."

"Son, I know I haven't been the best father," he started.

"You've barely even been a father!"