Difference (*Ackley Bridge*)

TWENTY SEVEN

CORY'S POV

I couldn't quit her and I knew that I should. Yet there was just something about her that made me want her even more, Sian was giving me that feeling that I felt the first time I met Leeanna— the feeling of knowing you want someone but just can't have them because they are out of your league. It was becoming unbearable to lie to the girl who I loved and I don't want to lose her but I know that if I tell her about myself and Sian she will run a mile.

I knew that I will never see or hear from her ever again. Sian was powerful in the sense that she knew just the right things to say to me to keep me wanting more, she was exciting to be around all the sneaking around at school and being with her in her car was just an exciting feeling and I think that is what I was missing.

I was missing the thrill of the chase with wanting someone you knew you couldn't have, in the very very beginning I had that with Leeanna— I was relentless in the sense of wanting her that I would stop at nothing to have her be mine but soon as she became mine the chase had ended but that didn't mean I didn't want her anymore because I did want her and I do still want her things are just so different now.

When she moved to Oxford she promised me that our relationship wouldn't change she made sure that even though she was busy with assignments and lectures and socialising with her new friends that she made time for the two of us and she always followed through with that she never once made me feel like our relationship wasn't worth it anymore she kept things simple for us both but yet she made time for me and that is something that I loved about her and I still do love about her,

I was selfish I wanted to have the best of both worlds— being with Leeanna was something that I had wanted ever since she first moved to Ackley so I would be stupid to throw it away considering how hard I fought with her to keep her in my life even with all the mistakes I made throughout our relationship. But with Sian the thrill was in the excitement— she added that little bit of edge with her being an older woman it boosted my ego and I guess it made me feel that I could get any woman I wanted but I don't know why I would want that when the girl I love is the smartest girl ever.

Truth is, I was being selfish and sadly I liked being selfish, being in a relationship isn't something in accustomed too I was known previously as the boy who would kiss and tell girls things that they would want to hear but behind their backs I would be telling everyone something different.

Leanna changed that in me she made me a better person and I adored her for that and I was so grateful to her because she showed me a new way of living my life she showed me that there was more to life then just sex and and desire and that just made me want her even more— I feel sick when I think of what I am doing to her without her even knowing, she had been through so much in the past few months with her mum getting out of prison and also the death of her dad.

The death of her dad really broke her and she struggled so much with coming to terms with that fact that the man who raised her was no longer going to be around to help her anymore. She was a mess and even though she hid from everyone for a very long time she cracked under the pressure of being alone and all I wanted to do at that time was take away the pain for her.

Then there was the car accident that she was involved in with Missy and Nas, I think that was the moment that truly broke her completely, she had only just managed to piece herself back together after her dads death so when Missy was killed in the accident I think that was the moment that she just snapped, she couldn't cope and she knew it yet she was too proud to ask anyone for help and that caused her to push me away from her and before I could control the damage she was causing to herself she had already broke and I got caught in the repercussions of that but eventually she let me in and I helped her,