Waiting For Forever

Desiderium!

Prompt : Based on the ongoing separation track of VashmAy highlighting their emotions. 

Five months have passed since Vashma came to Karachi, not alone of course. She arrived here with her child, Uday's child who's growing inside her to soon become exactly like it's father ~ diligent, soft, humble, nice, honest and the best. And she..! She is half dead, though daily trying to revive herself so that she can save their baby, so that she can protect it, so that someday she can hear the news of Uday Kishore Sahani being a successful hockey player, leading a beautiful life and making India proud. She will be satisfied that day. That day, it gonna be all worth it. Amrit's life will be settled, as she will get married to Randheer now in a matter of five days. She can't describe what she felt when she came to know about her pregnancy. When her mother in law once asked her this question, she got silent for a moment but said "us pal mai sab kuch kho rahi thi, sab chut raha tha mere hatho se, par achanak se bhut kuch paa lia ho esa laga. Ek baar ko bhi nhi laga ke koi galti ki hai, kabhi nahi..." 

"haa beta.. samjh sakti hu mai, jab mayka chut raha ho, or tabhi esi khushkhabri mile, to samjh hi nhi aata ke khushi se jhoom uthe ya ro de. Or beta tum or Farooq to shadi shuda ho, galti to ho hi nhi sakti.." her mother in law replied, not knowing what Vashma actually meant. "bas use nhi bata saki, iska pachtaawa umar bhar rahega.. maine Uday se uska sab kuch cheen lia par uska zinda rehna mere liye or bhi zaroori hai, uska ek achi zindagi jeena bhut zaroori hai, koi farak nhi padta mere sath ya mere bina. Amrit ka khush rehna bhut zaroori hai. Bahot zaroori..." she said to herself as she stood alone in her room thereafter. She never ever thought that one day she will be on crossroads, that too in case of Uday. She never dreamt of leaving him alone or heartbroken. She just couldn't. But life and time are cruel. She can't stop loving him. She never did. She loves him. She loves him dearly. "Bhut mohobbat karti hu tujhse Uday." She chants every second in order to tell herself that what she did is right. Her heart breaks everytime she remembers his dull, angry, hollow face that had hatred for her. She loves him. She knows this only, she loves him with all her might. She will always love him.

But now only one thought is making Vashma crumble that how she will handle herself tomorrow as she will be leaving today for Lahore in the night. Only she knows how she has managed Farooq to allow her. After all it's his permission that allows her to take air in and out. Why? Because he is her so called husband, who can try to poison her and her baby numerous times, who can beat her day and night, and force her to smile the next moment in front of his parents, who can stop her from making a call, from sending a letter to Amrit, to her own father. He even don't allow her to take their calls, read their letters. Amrit has written to her many times, but she never got the chance to read. All ties are cut, but wounds are fresh. Everything inside her is dead but so much more is alive in her womb. She could have committed suicide by now, but their baby is making her not do it. For it's sake, she is surviving. Though even after all this, Farooq has been unable to rape her. Avoiding Marital rape, is Vashma's only win in all these  months.

"aaye din khoon kharaba, is batwaare ne to jeena mushkil kar dia hai hai. Sab kuch tehes nehes kardia hai. Pata nhi ye hindu Lahore, Karachi, Punjab khali kyu nhi kar dete." Farooq's father said in a disappointing tone, intruding in Vashma's silent thinking process. Farooq's entire family supports the league and is in favour of partition. But Farooq is an extremist. Vashma has lost the count of deaths, he has caused indirectly by leading the rioters. 

"beta tum is halat me kese jaogi apni saheli ke nikaah me? Bahar bahut hi khatarnaak mahoul hai. Mujhe tumhari bahut fikar ho rahi hai." Vashma's mother in law voiced in her concern but Vashma can't miss this chance of meeting her best friend. She can't stay more in this cage. But before she could say something, Farooq entered and said "Amma aap bilkul chinta na karein. Hum hain na. Hum apni begum ko hifaazat se bhejenge. Hum khud nhi jaa paa the to kya hua, hum Inhe Jannat ka mazaa zaroor dilaenge is sair me.." Vashma understood the undertone of his last line. Now he's planning to kill her too but how will he do that if he isn't going with her, Vashma thought but said "Bilkul Jannat jaungi, to mazaa to khud ba khud aayega." As she retorted witfully she found herself wincing in silent cries as he held her hairs from behind in a very tight grip. Well she will never cry, because she has got the habit. "apne bacche ko zindagi dene ke liye, sab seh sakti hu. Par afsos maar nhi paoge tum mujhe." This has been her constant reply from past five months to Farooq's question if she doesn't fear a brutal death. This motherhood is empowering her to a large extent.