larry stylinson oneshots

the biggest heist you have ever read about

He was alone. There was no way anything could go wrong. Because, like a genius, he had a plan. It was a wonderful plan, and he ran it over multiple times in his head because, again, he was a genius.

1. Sneak into the kitchen.
2. Place the desired item onto a plate.
3. Apply icing.
4. Consume.
6. Wash plate.
6. Dry plate.
7. Return plate to the cupboard.
8. Hide back in the bedroom.

It was foolproof. Nothing should've gone wrong.

———

Everything started alright. Louis made it into the kitchen and snuck a cupcake out of the fridge. The cupcake made it onto the plate, and all he had to do was grab the icing. Before he could open the fridge, however, Harry chose that exact moment to come home, and in a panic, Louis, who was supposed to be leaving the cupcakes alone, shoved the plate into a drawer. 

"Lou?"

Louis shuffled so that he was leaning, quite awkwardly, against the drawer. "Yes?"

Harry walked into the room and stared quizzically at him. In his hands were their groceries for the next week. Louis had forgotten how quickly Harry does groceries.

"So... I was thinking we could have potatoes and pork for dinner. As you can see, we are stocked up on potatoes."

"Yes, yes, I can see that." Louis watched as Harry dropped the bags on the counter and started to put the food away.

"What are you doing?"

As someone who could not lie well under pressure, the answer Louis gave was... lacklustre. "Standing. Yes. I'm standing."

"Right. Do you need to stand right there? You can help peel the potatoes if you're planning on staying in the kitchen."

"No!" Louis smiled awkwardly at Harry's frightened expression. "I think I'll just go back upstairs. You know, by my lonesome."

"Is this your way of telling me that you want to spend more time together? Because we live together, you know, and all I did was leave to get groceries." He paused to grab a potato and rinse it off. "By the way, Niall called while I was out; he wants to know why you haven't answered your phone."

"Ah well, I'll go do that." His phone was upstairs on their bed because he thought he would be back there before Harry returned.

"You sure you're not too busy... standing?"

Louis scoffed and turned around so that his hands would be ready to open the drawer. Harry was now peeling the potatoes, his back facing Louis. Slowly and ever so quietly, Louis started to pull the drawer open.

"Can you pass me a pot before you go?" Harry turned around just as Louis closed the drawer again. "Oh, you're already doing it, okay, great."

A smile that was way too big for Louis' face took place, and Harry smiled back, with some concern in his eyes. Afraid, Harry turned back around, and Louis aggressively yanked the drawer open. He stumbled back due to the amount of force he put into opening it. Harry snorted when he saw Louis in his peripheral. Louis, having recovered, stepped over to his boyfriend with a pot and another concerning grin.

"One pot for my boyfriend, who is very hot."

"Thank you. Your rhyme is appreciated." He looked down at the pot. "Hang on- this pot is too big--" Harry turned around to give it back, but now Louis was shrugging his sweater off and draping it around the aforementioned drawer.

"Uh, Louis?"

Louis stumbled into the drawer and leaned up against it. "Yes, boyfriend?"

"Are you okay?"

"Absolutely, mate. I have never been better."

"Mate? Are you sure you're alright?"

"Don't even worry about it. You go back to peeling your potatoes. I'll just fix my clothing here and be on my way. Upstairs. To ring Niall. Yes."

Harry looked at Louis, then back to the oversized pot in his hands, and then to Louis again, who was grinning, again. "I guess I'll just use this then..."

With Harry's back turned, Louis took the opportunity to hide the plated cupcake with his sweater. He slowly backed out of the kitchen before running upstairs when he was out of sight.

"Christ... that was terrible."

It was there that he transferred the cupcake onto a tissue and placed it on his nightstand. Then he, casually, returned downstairs with the empty plate and set it on the counter.

"Hello, boyfriend Harry."

"Hello, boyfriend Louis. How was your call? You were only gone for like two minutes."

Louis scoffed. "Well, I've obviously not done it yet. I just came to grab a snack."

"There's some fresh broccoli in there if you want," Harry said, his eyes trained on the potatoes he was chopping.

"Yes... broccoli. My favourite snack."

"Get the brussels sprouts while you're in there, will you?"

"I will definitely get the sprouts of Hell for you." Louis rummaged through the fridge for the vegetables while also eyeing the cupcakes.

Harry rolled his eyes but pressed a kiss to Louis' cheek when he handed over the greens. He noticed that he already had a plate out and was loading it with broccoli.

"When I suggested the broccoli, I didn't mean empty the whole thing."

"Go away. I'm indulging."

"So, are you just going to go upstairs with a plate full of broccoli?"

Louis had stuffed three pieces into his mouth, so his response came in the form of a nod. He picked up the plate and, painfully slowly, exited the room.

"I don't understand him."

As Harry questioned how he ended up with Louis in the first place, Louis was ringing Niall and taking rabid bites out of the cupcake. It was chocolate, a personal favourite.

If by the end of it all, he had to smuggle the plate back downstairs and there were crumbs that were not green, Harry pretended not to notice. Instead, he put extra brussels sprouts on Louis' plate and laughed when he flicked one across the room.

He thinks that's why he got with him. Louis was just so unintentionally funny like that.

Kind of.