larry stylinson oneshots

pick me up and hold me close

Harry doesn't trust the quiet. He doesn't like the eerie silence or the emptiness that it seems to bring. He doesn't like how it means Louis is sleeping - not laughing on the phone, not singing when he thinks he's home alone. It's just dead silent. He hates it.

It's too early for Louis to be asleep because the sun is still setting, and there's no way he'd be asleep before the sun begins to rise. He can't be asleep because in the four years they'd been together, he's never gone to sleep without saying goodnight to Harry. So no, he's not asleep. Or at least, Harry hopes he isn't.

He keeps his footsteps quiet on the off chance that Louis actually is sleeping; he'd hate to wake him. He walks past the framed photos of himself and his boyfriend and stops just outside the bedroom door. It's not quiet here. Harry knows Louis like the back of his hand, and he can tell that the attempt Louis is making at steadying his breathing isn't working.

Louis isn't perfect; Harry knows that. He's a little too sarcastic at times, and he leaves his clothes all over the floor, and just, his work ethic is questionable, so yeah, he's not perfect. But, Harry adores him. He's never been more in love than with Louis. To him, Louis is perfection because of his flaws. He spends his time telling Louis how much he loves him and pressing light kisses to his forehead whenever he gets the chance. That's his boy, alright? He wants to show him all the love.

But yes, he's not perfect, and he spends too much of his time working. He'll leave what he can for when he's stressed and working under pressure because he claims he works better like that. Harry sees it differently because he knows when he finally pulls himself away from his laptop, Louis sits with his emotions and then just... locks them away. He says there's no time to unpack them all because they've been locked up since his school days. So, he hides them away, pretends he's not suffering all too much and continues working.

There are times, like right now, where Harry will overhear Louis' distress and wish he could make it go away. But, Louis is stubborn. He's so stubborn and refuses to let Harry see him like that. Harry, though, he's persistent, and when his boyfriend is on the verge of tears just a couple steps away, well, he's not just going to let him suffer like that.

"Hey, Lou?" Harry starts, shutting the door behind him. "It's so early."

And even though he hasn't asked what's wrong yet, Louis freezes. He's scared to open up, scared to let Harry in. It's ugly, and it's raw, and he doesn't want anyone to see the unpleasant monster that's clawing at his skin, begging to be let out.

He's convinced himself for so long that he doesn't need to let it free, that monsters thrive in the darkness, so why would it need to see the light of day? He's managed to believe his web of lies so much that he forgot how light often wins in the end.

Louis knows he's hurting himself. He knows that more than anything because he's his own worst enemy, and after years of pushing people away when he needed them most, he thinks he deserves it. He knows himself, he knows how he hurts, and he punishes himself when others try to bring him up. He knows how his own words hurt. He understands them, and he pretends his own mental wounds are safer than turning to them physically. But after isolating and depriving himself of those who really did love him, he doesn't see a way out. He sees more darkness and less stability. He sees isolation and loved ones leaving, and he can't bear to turn to the people still with him because what if they leave too?

But he has Harry.

Harry who has been picking him up since they first met because he could see the pain in his eyes. Harry who understands him and sits in silence with him even though the silence makes him uneasy. Harry who is currently balancing two cups of tea in his hands because Louis is his boy and his boy is upset.

Harry won't leave him. That, he knows for sure.

He's exhausted, so his head is leaning lazily on Harry's shoulder as he engulfs him in a hug. He just needs the contact. He needs to know that Harry is there. The tears start falling then, and Louis doesn't know how to react because the monster is escaping and Harry is still here.

"You're okay, Sweet." His fingers are working through Louis' hair, trying to calm his breathing.

"I'm not," Louis replies, whispering it like it's his deepest secret because really, it is. "I'm not okay."

"Right here, right now, you're okay. You're safe. It's just you and me, and we're here and okay." Harry has pulled away now to look into Louis' eyes. Louis believes him. They're there, and they're okay.

"I just..."

He pauses; he needs to breathe, and his eyes cast down because this is a lot, and he needs a moment. Harry gives him a soft smile, just sitting patiently with his hands on Louis' hips. He would give Louis all of time if he could.

"I've been through a lot. And I just never knew how to deal with it because people always came to me, and I was awkward and just- I hated emotions. Hate. I still do. I always tried to play this tough person and would, I don't know, I just didn't like anything to do with being emotional." Louis' voice is broken, and Harry thinks he should stop, so he reaches for the tea, only to have a hand graze his wrist. "I don't know where to start. I don't know the first thing about opening up and being vulnerable, but, God, I think you're amazing. I know that doesn't make sense, but you're so caring and sweet, and you put up with me when I'm too focused on working and--"

Harry cuts him off then because he's rambling, and he really needs to breathe. "Louis, I've got you. I'm here for you whenever you need me. Even when you don't. I am yours, and I'm not going anywhere." Louis let his words sink in, eyes watering again because Harry is his light and is willing to fight the darkness with him.

"Here, drink your tea."

For the first time since he began bottling that monster all those years ago, Louis feels calm. Calm like how it'll feel when he falls asleep in Harry's arms. Because yeah, he's safe, he's alive, and he'll be okay.