𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖙𝖍𝖞||𝖉𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖔 𝖒𝖆𝖑𝖋𝖔𝖞

XXI

TW: SEXUAL ASSULT & SUICIDAL THOUGHTS & DEATH

A/N:

Voldemort looks like Tom Riddle in the second movie just older. I had already posted this chapter once but wasn't satisfied so I unpublished and wrote the last parts of the chapter again. I advise you to read the last part ( from where the - comes :), so it will all make sense in the next chapter.

-

Bella sat on Draco's bed, trying to keep her breathing still. The sun had risen, given it had been a few hours since she left Hogwarts. She hadn't even started on the letter to Adrian, even though a house-elf came by around an hour ago.

I despise you and I desperately need you.

The words he wrote broke her heart. She now understood she had lost her memories. Every moment, every second with Draco had been taken away from her. And yet, she didn't dare to move and go and confront him about it.

When you lost your memories, I felt like I lost myself.

He had written her name multiples times, 342 times to be exact. She had read the letters over and over again, trying to knock some sense to her clueless mind.

I love you, I love you, I love you...

He had written he loved her. Did she love him back? But if he really loved her, why did he write he hated her in the last letter?

I hate you.

Whether she loved him or not in the past, she knew she didn't love him now. He had proven to her multiple times that he didn't love her, at least not anymore.

Bella sighed and laid down on the bed on her side and opened his nightstand beside his bed. There was a silver dagger there, some spliff and an old book. Bella carefully picked the silver dagger up by her fingers. Running her finger on the less sharp side of the spine. The dagger was beautiful, it had emerald runes on its handle. As Bella held the knife for the sun to hit its blade the sun shined showing the name "Malfoy" carved in the blade.

"A family heirloom", she muttered before putting it back as she did that she hid the letters there as well and instead pulled out the spliff Draco had kept in there.

She carefully took the spliff that was rolled perfectly and put it between her lips and looked for a lighter in the other drawer, in the other drawer there was also a bottle of fire whiskey.

"At least I have that", she murmured as she tried to lit the spliff between her dry lips.

Taking the first blow she hoped to forget everything just for a second or to just feel happier. When the first blow didn't make her feel happier she took another and another. Soon enough she felt happy, she laughed and smiled to herself.

She so wanted to just vent, she wanted to tell someone how she felt. How overwhelming everything was, how she didn't understand a thing, she just wanted someone to listen to her. She felt betrayed and alone. She felt so alone and she wondered if she just should end it all. Maybe it was the spliff thinking or maybe it was herself.

She could use the dagger and it would all be over. There is nothing here for me anymore.

"Oh bugger", she laughed to herself as she thought it over.

She lied about being engaged to Adrian, and when Draco would pressure her to send him an owl, he would leave her. And even better, she would have to marry Draco.

Which didn't even make sense, why would she marry him?

What plans does the Dark Lord have?

She already lost her baby, thinking she would be with Adrian, but now she couldn't even be with him anymore.