Not As Perfect As You Think

Part 3

Lilly POV-

I wake up and look at my clock 11:00 it is the weekend.

Today is my birthday, November 17th, thankfully it is my thanksgiving break. I was especially happy about this because I don't have to be around the girls that remind me I am not skinny enough.

I stand up and walk to the bathroom to weigh myself. 109.8 lbs.it has been 2 months I should have lost more.

Still to much, I should have lost more. My parents have starting to get worried about me. They have noticed I have lost some weight but I keep playing it off.

I hear someone walk in my room, I quickly put my scale away and act like I just finished washing my hands.

I walk out of the bathroom to a confetti cannon being popped in my face. "Happy 15th birthday"

I smiled, although I really wasn't excited about today.

" today you are going to the BAU with us, the team wants to see you."

"Ok I will get dressed and then we can go."

I knew today was going to be filled with excitement and cake. All I feel is disappointment in myself because I have not lost enough weight and I know I am going to have to eat cake to play it off. I would just throw it up later. I have to.

Emily's POV-

Little does Lilly know the team has a surprise birthday planned for her.

They have decorated the BAU, gotten a cake and I am pretty sure they all got her presents.

"Crap" I forgot I still have to wrap Lilly's present, I run to my bed room and struggle to find the wrapping paper and tape. I wrap it real quick, and just as I finish wrapping Lily walks in. " I am ready to go"

With that I grabbed the keys and Jj, Lilly, and I took off to the BAU.

Lilly's POV-

I get dressed, I walk into my bathroom and see a pack of Dulco-lax that I have stored in my makeup bag. I knew I shouldn't but I felt compelled to, I knew I haven't lost as much weight as I should of and this might help. I walk over and take 4 hoping that would be enough.

I walked down stair to tell JJ and Em that I was ready to go. I could already tell that their was going to be a surprise party. For one I could tell from the little micro expressions of excitement on both of their faces, and I usually do see the team on my birthday.

I know that their will be food there and cake I have to eat it so they do not suspect anything. I will just have to throw it up after I eat it. Sometimes I don't eat when I can get away with it and sometimes I have to, to avoid suspicion.

Half the time I was so hungry to the point where I had no motivation to do anything. On those days I would just lay in bed and tell my self I don't need food and concentrate on something else.

I have passed out twice before, my parents don't know. But I don't care if I pass out I just have to be pretty.

With thoughts running through my head at a mile a minute, i am basically zoned out of reality. "Lilly......lillllyyyyy......earth to Lilly." I herd Emily say.

I snap out of it as soon as she finished talking "yea?"

"We are here"

I look up and I see that we are parked in the parking garage, I nod and get out of the car.

We walk into the building and immediately go to the elevator, I hit the 6th floor button. I know I have to act excited because it is supposed to be a surprise. But they might be able to tell I am faking it anyway.....well they haven't caught on with me not eating so Mabey not.

The elevator dings all three of us walk out and walk to the glass doors that was the entrance to the bull pen.

I didn't see anyone

We walked through and as soon as we did the team jumped out from either sides of the doors, where it was just out of my line of sight.

"Happy 15th Birthday"

I smiled, trying to fake it the best I can, because in the inside I didn't feel this cheery or like I deserved this.

"Happy birthday kiddo" Derek says says

"Thanks guys"

They all have a smile on their face.
" come on there is something waiting for you in the conference room." Reid says.

The whole team walks up the stairs and down the hall to the conference room, i round the corner and their in the round table is presents a HUGE cake and food from what used to be my favorite restaurant.....Chick Fill A.

I drop my mouth trying to act great full, it is not that I am not grateful it is just I know I would feel disgusting if I ate this.

"Thank you guys so much" I go around and exchange hugs with Reid, Morgan, Rossi, Hotch, Penelope, and my parents.

"Let's eat then open your presents, so the food does not get cold." Emily says

"Good because I am starving" Rosie says

I laugh, and walk over to sit at the table.....this is the part I have been dreading.

I get a handful of chicken nuggets and a handful of fries.

The team has already started eating, I am just staring at my food. Then I force myself to eat so I would not draw attention to myself.

You don't need it

You don't need it

You are just getting fatter

My brain was attacking me and I felt the need to cry. I finished my plate absolutely disgusted with myself.By the time I had finished it was 1:00."

"I am just going to go to the bathroom real quick"

"What it goes through you that fast?"Rossi asked sarcastically.

I just laughed and quickly walked away towards the bathroom. Knowing that I do have to use the bathroom because of the laxatives I took earlier, and I felt the intense need to throw up.

As soon as I got to the bathroom I went into the stall and locked it. Immediately went down on my knees, shoved my fingers into the back of my throat. I did this about 10 time until I had threw up everything that was inside me.

I then sat on the toilet because the laxatives have began to work. I didn't have anything in me but I wanted to get out everything I could.

When I got up and washed my hands I felt extremely dizzy and tired.

I walked out of the bathroom and was walking back to the bull pen when everything got really blurry.

I saw Derek and attempted to walk over to him because I knew something was wrong. This was worst than the other time I had passed out....much worst.

"Lilly? Are you ok?"he asked

And before I made it to him or before I could Answer everything went pitch black.