Not As Perfect As You Think

Part 7

Lilly's POV-

I struggle to open my eyes they feel like these are 100lbs. Getting the sense of deja vu like it all seemed so familiar.

And that is because it was.

As soon as I started waking up I heard the obnoxious beeping of a hospital monitor, sticky sensation on my chest from the leads, dry nostrils due to the oxygen, and the pinch of the needle that was in my arm.

I finally get my eyes opened to see Emily sitting in on the couch asleep with JJ laying on her lap also asleep.

"Mom, momma" I try to say loudly but it comes out as a whisper, I cough and try to say it again but the cough is what woke momma which is Emily up.

She shakes Mom awake and she whispers "look who is up" JJ sits up and walks over to me with Em following her.

"How ya feeling sleepy head?"

"Confused, tired. What happened?"

Jj eyes all of a sudden have a saddened look on her face " you passed out due to malnutrition because rid to much weight loss. Why didn't you tell us you were still struggling with laxatives?"

"Trust me I wanted to I was just so scared both of you would be disappointed in me."

"We are here for you know matter what, you can always come to us for help. Yes we may be a little aggravated. But we will always be here for you." Emily said compassionately.

Jj then had her bearing of bad new look

"What else? I know there is something y'all are not telling me"

Tears form in JJ eyes, I knew what she was going to say.

"I have to get the tube don't I." I said with a dead look on my face.

My parents both know that is the one thing I did not want to do. I told them that's it it is takes away control. I won't be able to control what I eat the machine will.

Jj started filling JJ eyes, tears of sadness, guilt, and blame she had in herself. "Yea"

I immediately got tears in my eyes. I knew I needed help, I wanted to stop feeling this way. I knew it would be Better if I gained weight and became healthy but that doesn't mean I wanted to or was ready to.

This is a big step in recovery, and one I knew I needed to take. No matter how how it was going to be.

Mom(JJ) then come and say on my bed and help me in a tight embrace while we both let tears run down our faces.

Tears of shame

Tears of guilt

Tears of sadness

Tears of disbelief

We both cried for the same reasons, Emily was tears eyed but she was one who didn't show her emotions.

We both cried because we knew it was bad that my health had gotten to this point. But it was also tears of hope.

Because we new this is the best chance for me to recover.

"What am I going to do about school? I am supposed to start tomorrow?" I asked as I woke up from my nap that I didn't know I had. I think I cried myself to sleep.

"We already called the school and they decided that you will do online school until you are healthy and stable enough to return." Emily explained.

I nod my head in agreement.

We sit their for about an hour discussing details about how to manage my feeding tube and details about school when the moment I have been dreading arrived.

The nurse walked in with a feeding tube and the necessary supplies for application and feeding.

" So I am not going to lie to you this part will suck, but it will get Breyer once you are used to it and hoped you will be able to come off of it when you get healthy. Are you ready?" The nurse explained and asked.

"Mom, momma will you hold my hand?" Yes I was 15 but in times like this I really needed my parents.

" Yes of course." They both said in unison and gave each other a look.

"As ready as I will probably ever be"

With that my parents both held my hand as the nurse put the tube up my nose and guided it down my throat into my stomach.

I gagged so many times, and I felt my cheeks were wet I knew it was from tears that I didn't even know I had let slip through.

Finally it was over, the tube was in my nose that lead to my stomach. My parents had tears in their eyes probably because of how hard it was to watch.

This was the start of a long journey.

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Hey!! Sorry for this short chapter just thought it was a good place to end it!

Happy Easter!!