Not As Perfect As You Think

Part 5

Lilly's POV-

It has been a month since I have gotten out of the hospital, I have gained back 5 pounds.

My parents see that as improvement but I see that as progress lost. I still stare at myself in the mirror for what feels like forever knowing that I am not good enough.

I go down stairs to the smell that still disgusts me.....food......my worst nightmare. I sit down at the table mainly just to please my parents.

They set a plate containing chicken and rice in front of me. I push it around with my fork and take a few bite here and there.

I don't need it

I don't need it

I don't need it

The voice in my head kept saying, despite that I still ate some, more than I wanted to but it was to ultimately please my parents.

Immediately after I ran upstairs fighting the urge to purge. I knew that if I made myself throw up that i could risk the chance of a re-bleed and I would have to go into surgery again.

So I went into my bathroom and popped 2 laxatives, to hopefully get rid of what I just ate and then some.

I went to bed hoping I would loose the weight again. At this moment I knew it would damage my body but I didn't care as long as I was skinny

Beauty is pain....isn't it?

Jj POV-

Em and I are still really worried about lily, she still barley eats. I know it would be a process but I didn't think she will still be this reluctant after a month.

She has gained a little weight back and I can tell what that is doing to her self esteem, but she has to or she risks permanent damage to her heart and body.

After we got home from the hospital I went through her room and I took her pack of laxatives I found, and her scale, hoping that it would help her.

I have a feeling she has been taking laxatives, even though I took what I thought was her only pack. Emily thinks that to just because of the way she acts.

She has been off of school for the past month and won't go back until after winter break so she can focus on her health.

Lilly's POV-

Day after day I lay down in my bed wondering why I am not good enough for the world, what am I not good enough?

For the past 10 days I have been taking laxatives behind my parents back praying that I keep losing weight instead of gaining it.

Even on Christmas I was down, I was great full for my gift, family, and God but I still just wanted to stay in bed.

Despite my instincts I eat most of my meals to make my parents happy. Thankfully I am the master of deception and I am able to manage my expressions to the point were my parents don't suspect anything.

I want to stay in bed all day but my parents have a case so I will be staying with aunt Penelope today.
I really don't want to be around her explosion of happiness today but I really don't have a choice since my parents don't trust me to be at home by myself and eat.

But at least I get to help with the case.

Emily's POV-

J and I have a case in California today.  Lily will be staying at Garcia's house the whole time.

We both hating leaving her at home especially during this tough time that she is going through. I wish I could take her with us but it is against protocol.

At least I will know she will be with Garcia, who will hopefully raise her spirits. Hopefully she continues to eat like normal.
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Sorry this chapter is short, I did not really know what I write for this chapter. But the next chapter should be more interesting!!