LOVING A SEMINARIAN

CHAPTER XI WAY OF FORGETTING

JOYCE

All girls wants a beautiful love story. A story where there is a happy ending on the end. A story that you could seen on books or movies. That story that inspired others to fall in love too. Like them I wanted my story to goes like that too but I guess the writer mismatched me with Johann. I just hope I could ask him to edit it. To change the character so I could have my happily ever after.

Of course it wasn't like that. It's so far from that.

It's like stopping the water flowing in the -on faucet- . It looks like easy at first but later on when the pressure gathered together it will break the entire pipe and freed itself. Just like love. The more you stop it, the more it becomes stronger that you could no longer know if you were still be able to control it or it will break everything and be free.

Scary and unpredictable .

Thats what's it feels like.

I was kind of investigating myself about what was really inside of me. What I want. What I truly desire. Over and over again I still catch the same answer.

To love him.

Which is wrong.

I wanted to ask him if who's that girl his Dad referring to. Whom he's in love with? If he really wanted to quit and if how sure he was. I wanted to know everything so I would know where to place myself, so I would have an idea if it's time for me to totally let go of it before it became too late. .

The truth is I'm hoping that maybe I am the girl. With a little hope maybe there's a chance.

But how could I? He already forgetting about it anymore. It looks like he really didn't give a shit. That those sweet moments and awkward situations were all just a hoaxed.

That was the fact. The fact that breaking my heart each time I saw him. The fact that I'm not sure if I could still handle.

I don't want this normal things.. I don't want it anymore. But this is all I got. This is what it means to be. To be the same as what we are in the beginning. No stolen stares. No secret smiles. No abnormal feelings. No Johann with an Art. Just No.

"Sometimes it just hard..No such easy things anyway. Ang importante alam no kung ano ang gusto mo. Kung ano ba talaga ang magpapasaya sayo.."

I looked up to Tatay Bert. I missed this talked. I missed having a time alone with him and have this heart to heart conversation.

"But the things that could make me happy is not the right thing..!"

"Sino ba ang may karapatang magsabi ng tama at mali? "

I shook my head and sighed. I don't know. Sino nga ba?

"Your heart."

He said pointing on my chest.

"because people will tell you what they think but your heart will tell you what you feel.."

It's still not enough. Its still couldn't erase the fact that loving him was wrong.

"How I wish I can do that..but I cant.."

'you can but you won't.."

He uttered and take a steps away.

"Let's start the business.. enough of your drama.."

he added and went back outside.

Tumayo ako inayos ang sarili. Kahit ano pa man ang nararamdaman ko kailangan ko pa rin humarap sa kanila. Hindi pwedeng iiwas nalang ako palagi.