JOYCE POV
"Sige Anak..hold it tight..hawakan mo..."
Papa keep on yelling at me. I was holding the rope of a big kite and I feel scared that maybe I would lose my grip and let it go. Habang tumataas lalong humihirap. I need to be on focus so I'll know where the direction of the wind is.
"help me Dad...I'm scared.."
I yelp.
"don't be scared baby..Mom and Dad knows na kaya mo yan. Sige lang baby hawakan mo ng mabuti."
Gusto ko ng bitawan ang tali pero sabi nila kaya ko daw. Napatingin ako sa itaas. Matayog na ang lipad ng saranggola ko. Halos kasitaas na ng langit sa paningin ko. I feel happy knowing tama sila kaya ko nga.
Napatingin ulit ako sa kanila but they were gone.
Nagising ako. Panaginip. Isa lang panaginip. Naalala ko na. Ang mukha nila.Ang mga ngiti nilang dalawa.Refresh na ulit sa utak ko. Should I be happy? The pain in my heart is nearly worsen and at this moment I need someone like them. They showed their faces in my dreams but still they aren't here now in my reality. Why? Why they left?
Kailangan ba may katapusan ang isang bagay?Kailangan ba hintayin ko nalang na matapos lahat? Why happiness can't last? Why People you love won't either? I wish I know. I wish I have an idea.
If Tatay will be no longer a part of my life then what will be my life like?
If Johann also let go how would I live? I am alone and I hate myself because I can't live with it. Without Tatay..without Johann.
Damn it ..
Damn all the right thing in the world. Why is it always matter?Why I can't ignore it live a life I wanted?
Do i need to cry forever? Kasi kung ganito lang din naman ang mangyayari for sure hindi matatapos ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Ito nalang yata ang permanenteng bagay sa akin. The pain.
Why is it always is?Namimis ko siya pero wala akong magawa kasi hinayaan ko siyang mawala ng tuluyan. Sana alam ko kung ano ba talaga ang tama sa lahat ng mga nangyari para sana kahit saglit makapahinga ang puso ko.
Pinilit kong pumasok ng Cafe para kay Tatay. Isang linggo nalang at mawawala na siya ng tuluyan.
You born to be left Joyce...
Yes. I am.
Tatay was there. Thanks God. It feels like a normal day again. He was with his coffee and with his sweet smile. A smile I would miss. A smile I wouldn't longer see soon. Part of me was happy that finally he was going to be with his family. To fulfill his pledge to Lenore. How amazing his love can be. Pure and endless. But I'm selfish to be more sad thinking about him leaving. Because the truth is I couldn't live without him.
"I hate seeing that frown.."
biro niyang bati. Napangiti nalang ako sabay halik sa pisngi niya.
"Old man..I miss you.."
I said sadly. Sandali niya akong niyakap.
"sige na,marami ka pang dapat ikwento..Your eyes telling me...pain?_"
Of course he will know..Lahat alam niya...kaya mas masakit.
"Tay...bakit ang hirap piliin ang pagiging masaya?Bakit sa bawat galaw ko may mangyayari....I let him.go Tay and it hurts like hell.."
Napahagulhol na naman ako. Putragis na luha to. Nakakainis na.
"Kayong mga bata kayo..Alam mo maghintay ka lang kasi may kaligayan ka din sa katapusan.."
"tapos na kami Tay..tapos na"
"sino nagsabi sayong tapos na?"
I looked at him confuse.
"Your story has not yet end. Because I know that walang hindi masayang ending. Hindi ko masasabi sayo na balang araw babalik siya,ang sinasabi ko na matatagpuan mo ang kasiyahan sa puso mo,sa kanya man yan o hindi. "
Mas lalong sumakit.Mas lalong mahirap tanggapin na magiging masaya ako na wala siya . Alam ko sa puso ko na pawang imposible.
"tama po ba ang ginawa ko Tay?"
pilit kong tanong.
"I can't tell you..honestly indi ko alam kasi ikaw lang ang nakakaalam niyan. Itanong mo sa puso at utak mo kung tama nga ba. Don't be afraid young girl... listen yo your bleeding heart.."
I shook my head unable to speak.
Tatay pull me closer and gave me a brief hug. How can I?
"I don't know what to do if you left Tay..Natatakot akong di ko kakayanin.."
"sshhhh...enough.. tama na yan..tahan na.."
alam.kong mas pinili niya nalang na huwag ng magsalita para hindi ako lalo pang masaktan.. Siguro nga dapat akong maging matatag.Siguro nga I need to toughen my heart and be a woman. Siguro nga sa simula lang masakit. Siguro,baka makakaya ko rin.
Tatay pulled away and stared at me smiling wide. He wiped my tears as he kissed me on my forehead.
"you'll be okay..."
I just nodded forcing myself to believe that maybe I would.
What doesn't kill you
make you stronger
sabi nga sa kanta. I sighed and readied myself to face my fear again.
Johann.
आप पढ़ रहे हैं
LOVING A SEMINARIAN
रोमांस(Ongoing Editing) We choose the love we think you deserve even it takes us to sin. What would you risk to fight against forbidden love? Would you choose your faith or would you follow your heart? Join Joyce and Johann in their one of a kind love st...
