LOVING A SEMINARIAN

CHAPTER XIV TIME

JOYCE

Different.

That's the best word to defined it. I'm looking for the stares. I sniffed for the scent. I waited to hear a voice calling me. I'm longing for the tease that I used to hate. I'm dying to feel his presence again. It's different. It's not normal.

Another day without him and it feels like forever. Zach and the rest was still calmed. Trying to show me and the world that everything is fine. That Johann is not missing. They could pretend. They're good at it but I can't. I cant concentrate. I can't stop my mind. I cant push myself to just relax and forget about it. I just can't. I won't.

Since last night my question became out of counting. It wouldn't stop until I got some answer. I need to know. I need to stop complicating everything and be with myself. I wanted to do that. I do. But when I think of the possibility that maybe he didn't need me, that It's not me, I feel scary for taking a steps. For risking my pride and feelings. I couldn't. I'm afraid.

The Cafe became a ghost town. Para bang kahit na may mga taong nakaupo sa bawat table hindi pa rin kumpleto. Kulang . That table became quiet. I heard no laughs, no teasing, no talked about girls, no intriguing question. There is None but a Cafe and me. Na sa bawat pagbukas ng crystal door ay hindi ko maiwasang tumingin mag assume n bumalik siya. Pero wala talaga. Walang Johann na nagpapakita. Natapos ang tatlong oras na hindi ko napigilang umiyak. I cried because of one simple reason.

I'm stupid.

I saw Zach finding his way towards the exit. I stood up and hurriedly run towards him so I could ask. He knew my intention. He looked at me with disappointment in her eyes saying to me why run too late.

"You got news?"

I shrugged. Trying to calmed my breath and waited for his mouth to say yes.

"No. He's still out of Contact. "

Napatango lang ako . He tapped my shoulder and pressed gently.

"Johann wasn't in his right mind right now, but I know he won't do something stupid. "

he said and turn his back away from. I sighed and tell myself that maybe Zach's right, he'll be okay .

I went back inside and finished fixing everything. Tatay on the other hand pay no attention to may drama and complications. He seems so relax and doesn't care at all. I want him to say something, to tell me his magic word so I could realize what I should do . What he's doing was opposite. He's didn't say a single word for me since I arrived.

I came near him holding the tray of dirty mugs on my hand. I stood in his side waiting for him to realize I was there. He didn't do so. He's snubbing me obviously.

"So what?"

I told him frowning. He looked up me and grin.

"Ow...so you're here..I thought you're absent . Wala kasi akong narinig na good morning earlier tsaka parang ibang tao ang nakikita kong palakad lakad sa Cafe.Akala ko nga pumalit sayo.."

Kailan ko nga ba minahal ang matanda na to? Yeah a long time ago and till forever. He's right I think I forgot to greet him earlier.

"Honestly?. I'm also confused if its me inside this body or someone else. I kinda hate it.."

"That's scary. He's not a little boy that need to be worried about. He's a man so stop messing yourself because he couldn't be a man enough to know his priority. "

I put the tray beside the counter and sat beside him.

"But I can't.. hindi ko kayang pigilan mg utak ko na isipin siya. "