The War Hammer ( AOT x Male Reader story)

Chapter 4: Devising ⚠️

Forewarning: This chapter contains graphic descriptions of panic attacks and self harm. If this has effected you, or if this has led you to dark places in your life, please do not read.
If you are also suffering from such things, please seek help and medical attention. Please talk to someone. You are not alone and there is always someone who can help.

Whispers. A dark place. A cold feel on my palms. I was not on the ground but felt the cold surface on my forehead as i lay there on my hands and knees, my hands wrapped around my head, pushing it into the ground as the whispering continued. Murmers like icy winds brushed and ran their cold fingers down my spine, causing me to shiver. So many voices, yet so little recognition. I could not tell what any of them were saying. Though I caught a few stray words here and there, like 'The Hammer, Devastation, Massacre'.
And then, one voice. One clear voice. I felt my eyes widen as I began clawing at my hair and scalp, tears gathering in my eyes.
"...Mom?" I whispered. The voice was getting louder, thunderous, like the tremors of an earthquake traveling along in soundwaves. I covered my ears and squeezed my eyes shut, before I felt a warm hand on my cheek. I knew that warm and welcoming feel anywhere. I opened my eyes and slowley looked up to see a half titan covered in all white armour, with gaps for eyes and the mouth covered in what looked like armoured lines. The other half was my mothers, and both glaring down from 16 meters. It was then it felt like hot pokers were being pressend into my back. I inhailed shrpley before the full pain hit me, causing me to fall forward onto my stomach, beginning to writhe and thrash, clawing at the burnijg area.
".......ru...chil....rU..SO....RUN" both her and the titan screemed at the same time, both throwing their heads back and raising their arms, desperate to be heard, her voice blending in perfectly to the gravely roar of the War hammer.

I awoke with a start, throwing myself up, an unimaginable pain in my upper back. I screamed from the pain, it was like seering metal being pushed just below my neck. I rolled and fell off the top bunk, hitting the floor hard before beginning to writhe, tears beginning to stream down my face. It was agony.

Through the tears, I began seeing steam starting to gather along the top of the ceiling. I could also see an outline of something next to me aswell, and I could tell it was a Marcel. He placed something soft behind my head, preventing me from hitting it against the floor repeatedly and pushing me over onto my side, while I continued to thrash around, trying to ease the pain. Nothing worked and I could feel myself beginning to choke on my own saliva, tears still streaming down my face. I let out a strangles cry as the pain slowley began to subside. I layed there, head on the pillow, trying not to move as I panted, gasped and spat on the floor, finally able to breathe again. Tears were still flowing and after a moment of coughing and hacking, I buried my face in the pillow, too ashamed to meet Marcels gaze. It was now I could feel his hand on my shoulder, comforting me best he could.

After a few more moments, I pushed myself up to a kneeling position, the pain completely gone in my back and from below my eyes as I dared take a glance at Marcel. He sat crossed legged next to me in his night clothes, a small smile on his face but unimaginable worry in his eyes.
"You feeling alright now?" he asked, removing his hand from my shoulder. I slowley nodded before sighing, lowering my head again and closing my eyes, before opening them again slowley, trying to regain my bearings. I looked out the window and noticed the early sunrise beginning to break through the shadows of our room. It would be time to get up now anyway. I looked back at Marcel, before dropping my gaze to the floor again.
"Im sorry about that. I dont know what happened" I mumbled in a gravely voice, maintainig my gaze on the floor. Nothing like this has happened before. Ive never had dreams like that before.

"Something like that is not your fault, there is no need to apologies for such a thing" Marcel replied, standing up and offering a hand to me. I glanced up at his calm expression, and his outstretched hand which I gladly took, him pulling me up onto shakey feet.