What could have been.

- Chapter 5 -

The smell of metal engulfs my lungs, unable to open my eyes, I remain in the dark. Having to use all my senses to aid me in finding out my location. Ringing, echos in various pitches throughout the room, but where is the room, where am I. Sobbing I hear sobbing. "Don't cry" my mind repeats, unable to deliver the simple two words vocally. The sobbing is becoming louder than the ringing, yet the smell of metal continues to dominate the air around me.

"Sienna, wake up." a timid, broken voice says "Please wake up."

*Alarms ringtone*

I switch my alarm off with one simple swipe motion. I lay in bed with no intention of going back to sleep, equally I have no intention of getting out of bed to start my day. I feel almost paralysed by the idea of getting out of bed, instead, I stare up at the ceiling blankly, no thoughts, no sounds running through my mind, I just lay still.

Breathe. I begin to count each breath that I inhale through my nose and let escape through my mouth. I just need to breathe, I remind myself, which at times feels a lot easier said than done.

By my fifth alarm, I force myself out of bed. If I stay any longer I probably won't leave at all today. I need to have a body wash and wash my hair due to getting so hot and sweaty in the night which only lengthens my morning routine that I'm already pressed for time with.

I leave the apartment thirty minutes later than I should have, missing my 7 am bus. I wait for the 7:45 am and text Brody that I will be late. The crisp autumnal breeze acts as another form of an alarm clock, waking me up even more the further I step away from my warm building into the cold street.

....

"Good morning beautiful." Brody calls out, as I round the corner, reaching the outside of our favourite café.

"Good morning handsome." I hug Brody after our traditional greeting. I can't remember how it first came around, we've been doing it for nearly over a year now.

We usually manage to sit for a few minutes to drink our hot drinks before class but as I was running a little late this morning, Brody had my coffee ready for us to walk straight to lecture with. The campus to our college is only a five-minute walk from the café. As we have  ten minutes before our first lecture starts, we don't feel obligated to rush, opting to walk our normal pace.

We spend the walk to lecture catching up on what we both did over the weekend. Brody is the son of Douglas Bradwick, who owns half of the businesses in San Francisco. His family has a lot of eyes on their every move, even Brody. Despite being a college student because of his families well-known name, his weekends include various library visits and take-outs nights in, that I tend to join with.

I tell Brody about the soundproof party I attended on Friday, trying to convince him to come next time. The likelihood of anyone there knowing his family ties are slim, we run no risk of any scandalous stories coming from him attending. He just shrugs off the idea with a 'maybe'.

The rest of the day is spent running from one lecture to another. Eden meets me outside my last lecture so we can travel home together as she drives whereas I don't. Both Eden and Jocelyn offer to pick me up from college and drive me home as they both drive, even when they are already at home. I appreciate the offer nonetheless I tend to decline unless they're finishing at the same time as I am. I don't want to burden them by having them become my chauffeur. I made the decision to not want to learn how to drive, therefore, I should grin and bear using public transport.

"So I saw Vince in the canteen during lunch." Eden says while driving.

"Oh, did he say anything? Are you ok?" I really hate that guy, he was such a jerk to Eden the whole time they were together.

"No. He didn't say anything, not even a wave." She says, almost sounding disheartened.

"Did you want him to say anything?"

"I don't know. I mean I hate him that's for sure. I just expected him to want to grovel or something but he just looked straight past me as if I wasn't even there. I don't know, maybe it's for the best."

"It's his loss Eden and he probably knows that. He can't face you, he knows he messed up when you two broke up." I reassure her.

It's understandable that she feels this way, it doesn't matter how you break up. Whether it was on good terms or not, it's always hard seeing that person and being nothing to them when months ago you were everything.

Eden and I meet Jocelyn outside a supermarket closest to our apartment to do our weekly shopping. We were terrible to begin with, buying so much, at the same time not buying what it is we needed.

Now, I leave a shopping list on the fridge, we add on anything we need or have finished and go off the list when shopping. This alone has saved us a lot of money. The only fault in this masterful system is we didn't indicate to each other who would bring the list.

While I push the trolley up and down each aisle, attempting to remember the list off the top of my head the best I can, Jocelyn and Eden insist on arguing over near enough each item. When I go shopping with my roommates I surely get a taste of motherhood, breaking up my little toddler's silly argument over if we should get smooth or crunchy peanut butter.

An hour later, we're back home from shopping and the shopping has been unpacked. I offer to cook dinner for this evening, a quick pasta dish is always welcomed in this household.

While I cook the sauce Eden opens up a bottle of wine, pouring each of us a glass. She tells Jocelyn about her encounter with Vince from earlier today. We eat together at the table like the little family that we are then retreat into our bedrooms for the night.

I receive a notification that Liam has followed me on Instagram, I return the follow and have a stalk through his pictures. He only has fifteen, a lot of them of the parties and gigs he has been a DJ for.

I scroll past and my finger freezes over a picture with Cole in, Of course, he looks effortlessly cool in the candid picture. I tap on the screen hoping to see that he has an account himself and has been tagged in the photo. Sadly, he doesn't, I go as far as looking through Liam's followers to make sure.