What could have been.

- Chapter 28 -

“You overstepped, Brody.” I try to keep my voice calm. I don't want this to turn into a full-blown argument. Not that I think Brody would retaliate, even drunk Brody hates confrontation. The fact that I know he won't argue back with me makes me more determined to get away, I need to calm down. I manoeuvre my way around the coffee table to head inside.   

“Sienna, I don't understand?” Brody pleads for an explanation as to why I'm so pissed at him. My anger is being slightly pacified with guilt. Guilt for projecting my anger out on Brody, despite him being the root of it.  

“I asked you to drop it and you didn’t listen.” Am I out of line for acting the way that I am? No. I'm allowed to feel kind of betrayed. I don't need to have an explanation as to why, my response is justified. I'm entitled to not want to be near him right now because truthfully, I need to leave before I do step out of line and mess up my friendship with Brody, permanently.  

"I just wanted to help."   

"I get that but you got nothing out of it, like I said would happen.”  

“Sienna, I just wanted to-” He grabs a hold of my forearm, turning me to face him. Brody wears a look I’m not familiar with, regret? Worry? Either or, he doesn’t seem to understand where I’m coming from which is only suppressing the two prior emotions of anger and guilt. Now, I'm frustrated.
  
“What? You wanted to what, Brody? I don’t need the faculty making a huge scene again. I don’t need other students getting interviewed all over again. I don’t need all of what made me fucking miserable last year rehashed.” I snap.   

“I’m sorry,” Brody murmurs, stumbling back as he speaks, clearly taken aback by words. I can’t say anything else, I won’t. I nod and plea with Brody through my eyes for him to let me leave. Brody nods in return, releasing a shaky breath before whispering “Sienna, I’m sorry.” I don’t turn back or take time to stop to read the direction to get myself out of this maze of a building. Eden rushes to my side, wrapping her arms around mine.
  
Perhaps, a contributing factor as to why I felt unsure on whether to open up to my friends about how I'm feeling is because I don't know how to properly explain where my boundaries are. Some reactions can’t be measured ahead of time, moments need to play out first. It's confusing, even to me. I don’t regret telling my friends about how I feel, I’m just struggling on how to convey what direction I want to take in dealing with this situation.

While we were walking Eden managed to have an Uber ready to collect us once we found our way out. She sends Jocelyn a text to ask if she’s home as we both left our keys behind when we hurried out to get to the wedding in time.  

“She’s at the soundproof place. I can ask the driver to stop there first. I’ll run in and grab the keys from Jocelyn.”   

I nod, but the words that leave my mouth contradict my bodies response. “No. I want to go in.”    

“Are you sure?”    

“Yeah. I just want to dance and forget how angry I am at him.” I need a distraction; dancing has always been a distraction of mine. For as long as I can remember, my mum would always put on the radio if she ever saw me even the slightest bit upset, reminding me that “A dance a day, keeps the sadness away.” 

“Sienna, you know Brody was just doing what he thought was best,” Eden says, in a quiet yet comforting voice. 

I know.    

“I’ll call him in the morning. I just needed to leave and now I need a distraction.”   

The traffic is surprisingly moving at a fast rate considering it’s a Saturday night. We arrive in less than twenty minutes. I step out of the uber, both Eden and I intertwine our arms together for support as we walk down the gravelled road in our heels. A distant street lamp shines enough light on the entrance of the building for us to notice Jocelyn and Cole standing outside, talking.