What could have been.

- Chapter 12 -

The mention of Josephs name alone has brought back an unwanted amount of hostility. Jocelyn hasn't said much which is very unlike her since bumping into Brent at the food court. Whereas, I'm overrun with various questions surrounding him, even though hours ago, he wasn't even a passing thought of mine.

Is he hurt? Is he in trouble? Or am I being irrational and Brent just said it as a passing comment- small talk even.

Unable to shake the feeling of disappointment I have for how I've reacted is only making me feel more desperate to know why. Why after all this time has the past come back to haunt me. Am I going Crazy? Why do I care? Naively concerned, I want to reach out just to put my mind at rest. But, that's a can of worms I promised myself I would never open, no matter the situation.

This day has truly been a testament to no matter how many steps you take forward, one moment, the smallest encounter can set you back to where you started, no matter how hard you've worked to be where you are now. Although my body is sat in mid-Sunday traffic, my mind is elsewhere, it's back to who I was half a year ago, without meaning to be.

I'm overthinking this, I know that I am. I can't help it; I've never learnt how to stop.

I need to stop where my mind is taking me before it's too late before I lose myself once more. Turning my direction to Jocelyn, with the hope she will start up a conversation about anything with me. She doesn't take on my subtly hint to break away from the silence, understandably. I reach for the volume dial to turn it up. Perhaps, the music can drown it out instead.

"Are we going to talk about what Brent said?" Jocelyn asks.

Turning left onto our road, we both immediately reach for our sun visors to put it down, despite the temperature being ten degrees, the sunlight shining into the car as Jocelyn drives us home almost blinds the both of us.

"There's nothing to talk about." I lie.

"So you haven't spoken to Joseph?"

"No. I would have said."

Although Jocelyn stays silent, her facial expression speaks volumes. she rolls her eyes and shakes her head in clear disapproval of my answer despite it being the truth. "I haven't." I illiterate.

"Ok."

Neither of us says anything for the rest of the car journey. The tension between an unnerved Jocelyn and me is enough of a distraction away from my thoughts, just not the one that I'd hoped for. Once Jocelyn has parked up the car, I unbuckle my seat belt to leave. She remains seated as she is going to Liam's apartment for the night.

Opening the door to step out, without an acknowledgement from Jocelyn that I'm leaving, I settle back into my seat and slam the door shut. I already have one friend mad at me today, I don't think I need another one. I turn to face Jocelyn who's looking down at her phone.

"I promise that I have not spoken to Joseph. I have no intentions of ever going back there with him again."

"Ok." Not breaking eye contact away from her phone screen.

"Jocel-"

"I just don't need a complete repeat of last year ok. I thought we had all moved forward so I can't help but be pissed that Eden is seeing Vince again and well the possibility of you getting back wit-"

"I'm not. We have moved on. I promise there will not be any ex of mine coming back."

"Good."

I repeat her response, silently, due to the smile breaking out across my face. Jocelyn mirrors back a small smile. "I'll see you tomorrow."