Too Many Words to Say

Chapter 19

Allie blinked at his words, slowly disentangling herself from his arms.

"Me?" she said slowly. "I'm number four?" she said in bewilderment. "You and me?" she said as if to check that he'd really said it.

"Yeah, you and me," he replied, smiling at her surprise. "You are the fourth one that I wanted to give the message to loud and clear. We've been sort of dancing around each other for weeks now. One of us had to do something about it."

Allie blinked again. She felt so confused about what he was saying. Her heart began to beat faster, her mouth went dry. She'd hoped for this yet at the same time had dreaded it, her head and her heart wanting to gain control of what she said and did.

"I , I didn't know that there was a 'you and me', let alone that it had existed for weeks! Are you sure?" she asked him as he frowned back at her.

"'Course I'm sure! Ever since that morning in the cab and it was raining! Your first morning in your new job!" he told her. He stepped away from her, a deep frown on his face then turned back, his hand going to his forehead.

"Fuck!" he groaned, "I've got it wrong haven't I? It was Daniel all along! I'm sorry, I'll go back downstairs and tell him to get up here quick. If I go right now, he'll still be there!" He began to head to the door as he spoke.

"Don't you dare!" Allie cried, going after him and grabbing his arm. Turning him to face her, she saw he was laughing. "You tight sod!" she told him h his arm.

"Ow!" he yelped, holding where she had hit him. "That hurt!" He turned a pitiful face to her, his mouth turned down, his eyes bluer and bigger than ever.

"It was meant to! Saying things like that! You want to put me in hospital too? Next bed to Norris?" she told him in mock harshness.

"I'd come and visit you, especially if you have one of those shortie nighties," he grinned at her, his eyebrow raised.

"You, you, you're incorrigible you are!" she cried folding her arms and walking to the window, her back to him.

"Does that mean I go for Daniel or not?" he asked innocently, edging towards the door again. "If I've got things wrong, I want to put them right again."

"Just stay away from the door," she commanded him. "Get on the bed!" As soon as she said it she knew she'd made a mistake. She sighed and rolled her eyes, somehow knowing what she'd see when she turned around. Sure enough, he was stretched out full length on her bed, grinning up at her.

"How do you want me?" he asked cheekily, "Like this?" he said as he rolled onto his side, his head resting on his upturned palm. "Or like this?" as he switched to his back, his hands behind his head. He frowned at her as she shook her head at him. Then his eyes widened at her. "Don't say you want kinky stuff? I'm not that kind of boy! But you could talk me round if you tried!" he winked at her. "Try anything once! At least!"

Allie burst out laughing, "You idiot!" she giggled. "I meant just sit down." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "There's something I have to be honest about. I need to talk to you. Get something straight between us. 'Specially if you're going to be my boyfriend now."

"Oh oh, sounds like fun time's over," he replied, "Don't say I've got it wrong after all?" He sat up on the edge of the bed, stretching out his hand to her for her to come and sit next to him.

"Just let me say what I've got to say first. Then you can decide if you have," she told him softly.

"Look if it's about Clare, don't worry, we can handle anything she tries to do to spoil things for us," he began to tell her, the concern showing in his eyes. "I'm certainly not still interested in her."

Allie smiled and shook her head. The look on his face as he tried to think of what she could be thinking of. He meant it, he wanted them to be together, she could tell by the look in his eyes.

"I know we can Howard, but it isn't Clare. What I've got to say has nothing to do with her or what she could try to do. It's about me."

"Let me guess. It's what Cassie told me about at the start of the tour isn't it?" he said quietly.

Allie's head whipped around at his words.

"Cassie's been talking about me?" she asked sharply. "What's she been saying? She'd no right telling anyone anything about me. It's none of her business."

"Hey slow down! She's not been giving away your life secrets," Howard tried to reassure her. He took hold of her hand, and stroked it gently. "She just said that you'd had a tough time of it a couple of years ago and that it had taken a while for you to get over it."

"Oh," said Allie nodding, her chin up defiantly. "Trying to get you all to feel sorry for me was she?" She pulled her hand from his. "Well there's no need for it. I'm well over it now." She got up from the bed and crossed to the minibar, taking out the bottle of wine there and pouring herself a large glassful. "But there's no way that I'm going to get involved with anyone like that again. Nothing wrong with friendship and having a bit of fun every now and then, but I'm not into anything deep and meaningful anymore. Not going there again."

"Ok, I get the message, but it's not like I was going to propose to you," Howard replied, a slow grin creeping over his face. "Friendship and a bit of fun sounds fine to me."

"I'm sorry for snapping your head off like that," Allie apologised seeing him smiling at her. "I just don't want people feeling sorry for me."

"Oh don't worry, we don't!" laughed Howard. "Look it was just me and Gaz. We were talking in general and Cassie just mentioned it in passing. Part of what a good friend you'd been to her in the past and how sorry she was that she couldn't be there for you when you'd needed some support a while back. That's all that was said. Honest."

Allie looked at him anxiously, not knowing if it had been really like that or not. She decided to trust him on it. Glancing down at the floor, she nodded accepting what he was saying to her.

Taking the glass from her hand, he set it down on the bar and took hold of her hands.

"We weren't gossiping, that's all that was said. If you want to tell me anymore then fine. If you don't then that's fine too. I really like you Allie, I want to get to know you a little better than I do now, that's all. Think you can give us a chance?" he asked softly, tilting her face to look him in the eyes. "I think you, we, are worth that much, don't you? We've had one or two really nice moments already, there may be even better to come" He pulled her hands towards him and kissed her forehead. "It's your decision, whatever you want."

Allie looked up at him and smiled shyly as he stood waiting, hoping that she'd say yes. He tilted his head to the side and returned her smile, making him look like an uncertain teen asking someone out on a date. Her heart melted despite the voice in her head warning her not to give in to him, to keep a distance so she wouldn't get hurt.

"Ok then, so long as you understand. There's no harm in trying is there?"

"No harm whatsoever," he grinned back at her pulling her to him in a hug. Allie leaned her head against his shoulder, ignoring the voice telling her that she was playing with fire and was sure to get burned.