Too Many Words to Say

Chapter 38

Some sex scene in this chapter so scroll past if you don't like reading that kind of thing!

Allie sat back in the taxi as it drove her through the dark rainy streets the short distance back to her house. Tears fell silently as she watched the wet shiny houses skim by the window.

She'd done it this time. As soon as she'd heard his words they'd become embedded in her mind. Taking out her phone she tapped in a message to Cassie and sent it to her. Immediately she received a reply just as the taxi pulled up outside her house. Paying the driver she hurried inside to read the message she'd received in return.

"You idiot! Do you want to lose him? You're going the right way to do it. C"

Almost as soon as she'd finished reading the text, the phone came to life in her hand, making her start in surprise.

Reading the display she saw that it was Cassie.

"Hello," she said miserably as she kicked her shoes off in the hallway before going into the kitchen and making herself a hot drink. "I've really screwed up this time haven't I?" she said to Cassie.

"What the hell happened?" Cassie asked her, concern in her voice. "Did you just leave him in the restaurant?"

"No we didn't go there," Allie explained to her the full story of the events of the night as Cassie listened.

At the end of her tale, Cassie let out a sigh.

"Looks to me that he wants to continue what you had before. Dougie wouldn't have done what he's done for you tonight if he didn't mean what he said. Gary told me that he saw him earlier today and was really looking forward to tonight with you. He was hopeful that you could clear things up between you and carry on from where you left off." She let out another sigh. "Look Allie, you've got to make your mind up whether you want him or not. Never mind being scared of being hurt. You have to take a chance if you want something or someone badly enough. Let me ask you one question."

"Ok, ask away," Allie told her in a small voice. Now that she'd got home and was thinking about her actions, she knew now that she had made a mistake in the signals she had given out tonight despite having been so concerned at the start of the evening about giving the right ones. She couldn't fault him in his behaviour that night. He had made such an effort and each time he had tried to broach the subject about how they felt about each other, she had put a distance between them. The look on his face as she was leaving. She knew at the moment that she saw it she was doing the wrong thing, but couldn't stop herself. She knew that it was her fault again. And that she was afraid of the feelings for him that were growing inside her. She'd never felt like this about anyone else before and didn't know how to handle it. What she had felt for Pete had been a pale imitation of the way she felt about Howard. Just one look into those blue eyes and she was lost every time.

"Are you listening to me?" asked Cassie, noticing that she had gone quiet. "Just answer me this," she said her voice more gentle. "When are you happiest, when you're with him or when you're apart?"

"When I'm with him," Allie replied, a tremble in her voice. "I hate it when I don't know when I'll see him again. He helped me so much when I struggled on the tour. And just hearing his voice over the phone made me feel stronger when Norris was first taken ill. I know I've disappointed him tonight. I could have stayed longer than I did. But I just panicked Cassie. As soon as I got into the taxi I knew where I wanted to be."

"Then do something about it. He's made his move, sending you all the flowers, inviting you out, trying to make the meal for you tonight. If you want him then you're going to have to tell him. Leave him in no doubt that you want to try and make something out of your relationship. When Gary and I first got together, there were no guarantees that it would work out. But we're still with each other. I was scared of being hurt too, but I thought that he was more than worth the risk of finding out. Or maybe you don't think that Howard is worth a chance?"