Love Won't Last Forever (Sequel to FWLF)

Chapter 25

Chapter 25

 

A lot of people live by the saying 'everything happens for a reason', and I used to believe that. My father was a horrible human being and that pushed me to get away from him and find out what I wanted to do with my life much sooner than most people, and I became successful doing what I love, singing. Vic and I were separated for 4 years before realizing that what we had was too great to throw away. So we fell in love with each other for the second time. I thought everything happened for a reason. That Vic and I were meant to be together no matter what because we were thrown through so many obstacles.  But then everything shifts, something bad happens to one of us, we lose trust, people around us are affected.

We have a ripple effect on everything, or well more so I do. I am a walking mass of chaos that had taken the form of a human and I’m done with it. The way my life is turning out is not how it should be. Raised by my abusive father who hired someone to kill my mother, I fell in love with a boy at school who I then began to hate for 4 years of my life, I was raped, and I cheated on Justin. Were born into this world so pure and untouched but the world just fucks us over; the thought of suicide doesn’t seem like a bad option for me at this point in time. Is this how life works? Or am I just born into an unlucky body?

I sat in the police station for hours waiting to give my statement; I sat in the hospital for hours waiting to have any source of contact with Jesse. I spent countless hours listening to everyone tell me it would be okay. I spent days trying to believe that it ‘wasn’t my fault’. But it only took me seconds to realize the fact, Jesse's dead. Drew shot him in the back and he bled to death on the road side because for 20 minutes the police were busy keeping Drew in their sight. For 20 minutes Vic held me back because if I ran to help Jesse I would have been shot too. It didn’t take me any time at all to come to the conclusion that nobody needs me in their life, because all I’ve caused is pain and grief to those I care most about.

My fists were tightened so much I thought the circulation was going to stop. I couldn’t let my mind believe that what had happened really happened. The only friend I had that understood what it was like to go through the pain I’d gone through is now gone. The friend I had made when I was in the hospital, the guy who when we were allowed to have free time we would spend it talking about how when we get we were going places, we were going to be big and mean something. We would be significant in this small world. We always referred to the world being small because when we conquered our fear of being meaningless the thought of living in a big world wouldn’t be so scary anymore.

 The door to my room creaked open and I sat up to see Vic walking in with a tray of food on it. I wasn’t hungry, not at all. The thought of eating made me feel sick and I just wanted to be left alone to reflect on my life, but that wouldn’t do me any good. I had to get up and pretend I wasn’t hurting as much as I really was. People can’t know how bad I’m getting again. So I perked up and gave Vic my best small fake smile I could do at a time like this.

“How you doing?” he asked quietly and set the food on the bed side table.

I shrugged “Fine... I guess” My voice was croaked, my body’s way of trying to supress the urge to cry.

               Vic walked to the bed and laid down, putting his head in my lap. I instinctively began to run my fingers through his hair. It calmed me.  His eyes were sad, he was thinking about what to say and how to cheer me up, the same thing he’s been doing all week long. I sighed and stopped touching his hair. This was one of those days where it was just hard to deal with life. I didn’t want to cry about it. I’ve learned that although crying makes you feel better, it doesn’t change anything in the end. I’m trying so hard to become a stronger person but everything in my life is just failing on me. I’m ready to give up.