Forgive Me

Chapter || 13

"I was just mad at my dad. That's all." He sighed still not looking at me.

If he dragged me outside in the cold to tell me that, I'll kill him. What happened yesterday seemed like he was more than just mad at his dad.

"If you don't start telling me..."

"Okay okay." He sighed again tapping his fingers on the bar table.

His left leg was shaking and I pressed my hands together to stop myself from reaching out to stop it.

"I used to play soccer and Noah didn't. Did you know that?" He asked looking at me.

"Uhm. Yeah. Olivia told me." I awkwardly say pursing my lips.

"You've been asking about me haven't you?" He chuckled but it was dry.

I shrugged and he turned back towards the bar.

"Well I guest I'm just really confused about where the hell Noah's sudden love for soccer came from. Last year, when I stopped playing, he just took my spot. Not just on the team, but he became dad's attention." He confessed.

"Why did you stop playing?" I dared to ask.

He didn't respond for a moment and I got nervous and wished I could take my question back.

"Mother." He stated.

His leg stopped shaking and his shoulders slumped.

"Noah, friends and I used to play soccer in the street since we were 10. Mother always used to sit on the porch and cheer for me. One day, dad got this big promotion and we moved here when I was 10. A bigger house, a fancier neighborhood and we went to fancier schools too. Noah was angry, he didn't want to leave his girlfriend behind but dad didn't give him a choice. He made it his job to disappoint and anger my parents since we moved here. He would get into all kinds of double - throw the houses with stones, play pranks on us all. Then he met Mason, they became close and he began smoking and going out to parties. Me on the other hand, I was playing soccer since i reached high school just to hear mother's laughs and see her smile. I wanted to take the tired and disappointed look from her face and playing soccer for her worked. Later, we learnt that the reason why she became so miserable was because she.." His voice broke.

I put a supportive hand on his knee and used my thumb to rub circles on it. Surprised, his eyes widened as he turned to me and my heart broke when I saw unshed tears in his eyes making it glow even more.

"She not only found out my father was cheating, but she also suffered from kidney failure. Noah was her only match so he donated his kidney. It took a week for the doctors to find out that her body rejected it, her other kidney failed too. For three days, I've blamed everything on Noah. Isabella was a mess and I blamed that on him too. He begged my mother to get healthy so that she could see him change for her. He promised that he would make her smile and not frown. She died after those three days."

I blinked away tears that formed in my own eyes but the tears slipped down my cheeks when he looked at me again. His cheeks were wet with still running tears but he was silent. The tears just rolled out of his red eyes and it broke my heart. I didn't need to think twice when I reached for his neck.

I grabbed him into a hug and he instantly lay his head on my shoulder and in the crock of my neck. He was still silent but I could feel wetness in my neck, proving that he is crying. I cried too. I cried for his pain that felt like my own deep down in my heart. I know that I will never be able to understand what he is going through.

After a few moments of sitting uncomfortably on bar stools while hugging each other, he stood up without a word. I watched him move towards a hammock and he sat down on it and patted the space next to him. My feet moved before I could tell it not to and I found myself next to him - his arm draped around my shoulders.

"When she died, I didn't see the point in playing anymore. I only played for her Emma, now I have nothing else to play for. Noah, he began playing the very next week. He changed completely. The fact that father didn't blame him and nor did Isabella confused me. I for angry and frustrated." He continued.

"Do you still blame him?" I asked softly.

"Yes." He said it like it was the most obvious thing on the planet. "But now, I blame father too."

"Liam?" I asked sitting up straighter.

I can't think straight when his arm is holding me like that.

"I don't think that you should spend your life blaming Noah and your father." I said carefully.

The last thing I want is for him to shut me out again. He managed to open up to me and the weird feelings in my chest because of that, confuses me. It actually scares me.

"Let's just drop it." He smiled lazily. "Thanks for listening Emma."

"Have you spoke to someone about this before? A friend? Therapist? Isabella?" I asked.

Something pushed me into asking and his answer shouldn't, but it does make butterflies fly around my stomach.

"You would be the first." He said calmly.

I was speechless and confused, the intensity of his eyes while looking at me mushing my brains. Brain. You have one brain Emma!

"If you tell anyone what happened.." He broke the silence.

"What will you do?" I challenged trying my best to lighten the mood.

"I'll kiss you." He stated with a smirk that knocked the breath our of me.

Once again, I found myself unable to form a sentence.

"Wha..."

He leaned in, grabbed the back of my head and kissed me. All in one moment leaving me shocked and unresponsive.