TW abuse, r slur (i can reclaim)
Awsten sat on the ground. Geoff was still sleeping. He wanted Geoff to be awake. He wanted a lot of things from Geoff, but some of them were things that were way too difficult to grasp onto. Difficult to even ask for. He pushed himself out of those thoughts, Awsten just wanted to play with stickers or bandaids, but Jawn took them away. He loved how the consistency felt on his fingers, but ever since he decorated the walls he was no longer allowed to play with them. He laid down and remembered his thoughts and ideas he remembered what Geoff did to him. Awsten wanted to stick with his original plan. Annoy him until he hates Awsten so Awsten hates him. This whole love thing wasn't forever is what he told himself as he crawled onto the bed and sat on Geoff's stomach.
"DADDDYYYYYYYYY" Awsten screamed. Geoff's eyes shot open as he sat up and grabbed Awsten's wrists super hard, but not out of anger. Out of worry.
"What's wrong?! What happened?! Show me what's wrong?! Does something hurt?!" Awsten shook his head and smiled.
"Wanted you up!"
"You do not scream like that unless you need help, okay?" Geoff said, but Awsten barely heard him.
"Can I play with stickers-" Geoff grabbed Awsten's by the chin forcing him to look at him.
"Listen to me Awsten. Are you listening?" Awsten just stared, tears began to form in his eyes. Memories from his childhood warped his brain as he remembered things from the ages of maybe 4 to 7. He couldn't remember the exact ages, remembering was hard.
"Mommy!" Awsten yelled out, his trucks sat in-front of him outside the small hotel room. He wanted to play with mommy, he was tired of her and all her friends all the time. They were the reason daddy was so mad all the time. Awsten didn't understand why daddy was so mad about mommy and her friends, but he understood that he would be upset too if mommy wasn't hugging him anymore. Awsten got no response, it was cold! His arms were cold, his fingers were turning numb from the grasp of his trucks.
"Mommy!!!!!!" Awsten screeched. Finally, footsteps padded the floor as the person looked down at Awsten.
"What's wrong, sweetheart? What happened?" She cooed as he got up and hugged her legs.
"Go inside please!" Awsten was shivering, but his mom pushed him away and grabbed his little chin.
"You do not yell like that, unless something bad happened to you. Now you have to wait until you dad gets home!" Awsten's eyes diverted in attention, trying not to look at her in the eyes. "Are you even listening? God, you're so retarded." She let go and went back inside. Awsten didn't know why mommy loved him for only a second and then hated him after.
Awsten was listening. He waited until daddy got home, daddy would be mad at him too. Mommy probably called while he was at work.
"Awsten." He heard the dark stern tone of his father as he looked up, "you get your ass inside right now." Awsten knew he was going to get a beating, he had them often. He was bad all the time, that's what mommy and daddy told him. Once Awsten gave daddy a gift for Father's day and he smacked it out of his hand. He got a slap for it, Awsten thought his gift was nice. He guessed that daddy did not. He remembered how hard he worked, how he tried to stay inside the lines of the sheet of paper. Maybe he should've drawn it himself, maybe he would've liked. Once he had a beating so bad he almost bled out, they kept him from pre-school for a few weeks. They didn't want the teachers noticing the purple marks that littered his small frame. Awsten was only five when it would happen, but that wasn't the worst it been.
It wasn't long before Awsten was having completely breaking down. Geoff tried take his hand away from his face because he was punching himself in the head, but he started screaming when Geoff made that attempt. Another thing was that he was repeating the same words over and over which were, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, please stop hitting me!" Geoff got up and ran out of the room but turned around as he heard the door shut and lock.
"Awsten?" Geoff felt panic rise in himself as he tried to open the door, "AWSTEN!! AWSTEN OPEN THE DOOR PLEASE, IM TRYING TO HELP!" He got no response from Awsten, but Jawn came running over to him quickly.
"What's wrong? What happened?" Jawn asked frantically as Geoff turned towards him quickly.
"I was telling him something and he freaked out really bad and he kept screaming and saying not to hurt him and-"
"Don't do anything. Ive done this before," Jawn stepped near the door as Geoff moved out of the way, "Awsten.. It's Jawn. I'm right here, can you breathe for a few seconds and then let us in?" It was 30 minutes before Awsten opened the door. He had a pacifier in his mouth.
"Did you just need some alone time?" Jawn asked as Awsten nodded, nodding right back to him.
"That's okay. You just need to let us know because we don't want you to hurt yourself okay...?" Awsten nodded, he looked at Geoff and grabbed his hand then dragged him to the bed. He laid down as Awsten laid next to him, laying his head on Geoff's chest. Tears slowly dripped down Awsten's face as Geoff rubbed his back,
"Cry it out, let it all out. You need to let it all out." As Geoff said that Awsten released the hug wave of anger and sadness that built up in his mind and his heart. He heard Awsten scream and cry and sob into his chest. He felt his hands slam into body parts but he didn't care. Awsten needed to let it out. Soon it turned into soft crying and little sobs. Geoff wrapped his arm around Awsten, he didn't notice that he himself was crying as he kissed Awsten's head.
"It'll be okay... It'll all be okay bub-"
"It won't be okay!" Awsten sat up, "it'll never be okay! Don't pretend that you didn't... Hurt me too!" Awsten started crying really hard again and Geoff sat up with him.
"I did hurt you, okay? I did and I'm so sorry. That's my fault, no ones fault, but mine. I shouldn't have hurt you," Geoff bit at his lip as Awsten kept crying. He wrapped his arms around Geoff, sobbing even harder.
After a few minutes of crying again, he pulled away and grabbed his pacifier which was on the bed, sucking on it to calm himself as he laid back down on the bed Geoff falling behind him. He cared about Awsten, really. But he still didn't know his feelings for him.
