[Moreid] The journey of finding a home

6.1

There is always that little bit of guilt that hides behind every smile you shine at him, every laugh you let lose, every gentle touch.

He remembers his hand in the glove, pressing the tissue over the man's nose, feeling him struggle under his hold and then going slack.

He remembers the car crashing in the forest, the alarm going of, the pieces falling together.

"Hotch!" Morgan repeats and the man's head snaps up. "Care to share you theories?"

"Yes of course." He shuffles with his files for moment and then comes up with an answer. "I believe that the unsub is much younger than we think, we have no connection between an elderly who could have killed those teenagers."

"Besides the teachers."

"But there is no indication one of them did that." Emily pointed out. "But there is much more heat between the kids."

It's Spencer's and Morgan's first case back,since writing the plans and this case three months have gone by and Morgan wishes he could say it went like he planned but it was more a constant argument interrupted by exhausted naps.

The alarm on his phone goes off as the team takes a moment to think about the new approaches.

"Spencer lunch" is written on the display and he wipes the message away and JJ gets up grabbing her coat as well as Spencer who doesn't look to amazed by it.

He still doesn't want to eat,doesn't want to be "fat and ugly" not wanting to be "one of those guys that can't even see their feet" while he is far away from that.

"Eat. Don't make a scene you can bring it back here if you are more comfortable but you will eat." Morgan tells him after he yesterday didn't.

Hotch had wanted to send him back into his leave of absence but he was stopped by the memories of the cars crashing against the tree,the metal shrinking, he can still hear the sound.

"When you think it gets to much for him, you are free to stop this again." Hotch tells Morgan.

"He will get used to it."

"I am just saying that if he needs some more time he can have it."

"He did great in the office I am sure its just the traveling." Emily tries to ease Hotch's nerves.  

The first day back at the office, he stuck to Morgan's side like a scared puppy, his hand gripping the fabric of his shirt, shrinking at every noise but besides that he seemed okay until lunch were he was refusing to eat even if he was doing fine with that the days before.

But when he sat there and Morgan asked him what he wants he just shook his head so Morgan just picked what he knew he would like and placed it in front of him ignoring him while he eats his own but Spencer didn't start and when everyone was finished Morgan just leaned back signaling Spencer that they won't leave until he finishes that plate so eventually Spencer started kicking his feet under the table against Morgan's every once in a while until he grabbed his leg, "Just eat and we can get up."

"No"

"Yes, we can say half of it but you are back to work and your body needs that."

"I won't eat here."

"You could have told you that before we went down here. Now eat." He repeated and pointed at the plate. "Emily and JJ are gonna go back up now because you are waisting a lot of time right now."

"You are waisting Time."

"Eat. Now."

"No" 

"Spencer please." JJ and Emily get up from the table giving them some space. "You ate so perfectly the last days why not now?"

"I don't want to"

"Why?"

"I don't want to eat here."

"Why?"

"I don't like eating in front of all these people." He explained to Morgan.

"No body is looking, c'mon you are eating something healthy no one is judging." Judging Spencer had pointed at the chocolate pudding. "Expect that and even if you would eat that no one would judge."

"Half of this?"

"Yes"

"Don't look" Hesitant he took his fork and then started picking up some beans and eventually had eaten maybe a quater but Morgan had let it slide.

Yesterday they tried to eat lunch all together to get a clear head for an hour but from the moment they sat down in the conference room with the food in front of them, Spencer was as defensive about it as he was in the beginning. "No eating"

"Yes, eat"

"No" He had taken his hand up to his ears. "Stop looking at me."

"No one is looking." Morgan assured him opening the fries in front of him. "It's alright, come on eat something."

"No" He takes his hand showing Morgan's away. 

"Spencer please"

"No"

"Either you eat or we fly back home." He had threatened and Spencer stoped rocking back and forth. 

"Chose?"

"Yes chose"

"No choosing. I don't have to chose anymore." He told him.

"Yes you have to eating your lunch or flying home."

"No choosing anymore. You promised. No choosing." The panic had been written all over his face. "No choosing. Morgan doesn't make you chose." He tried talking himself down and Morgan eventually got that he was hinting at the times his father would make him choose. 

"No not like that but if you stop eating just because we are on a case you will lose weight again and you are already way to thin, I don't want to have to bring you to the hospital again." 

He had brought him two weeks after they came back from Vegas, Spencer hadn't eaten all day and eventually fainted while they were on a walk with Clooney. They just told him what he already knew, that he lacks of vitamin and nutrients. By now he takes the vitamins in pills. 

But to his surprise, when he comes back from Lunch with JJ, he leans down to him giving him a kiss and telling him that he ate egg rolles and JJ confirmes it with a nod.

A/N: Feel free to leave some comments :)