ALL THE LOVE WE LEAVE BEHIND

Chapter 48

The hour-long car drive did nothing to calm my nerves. In fact, it made the situation worse, as I spent it praying fervently- like a nun performing an exorcism- while simultaneously cursing Stetson for being located on the other side of town. Seriously? Would it have killed them to build it just a little closer to the hospital?

I found myself thinking the most absurd things and blaming the most innocuous people- like the inventors of traffic light, for it took 30 seconds longer to turn green, or the family of four in the blue car in-front of us, who took an entire minute to make a turn, and even the construction workers that couldn't have built a faster route?

To sum it up, I was losing my mind, and so it was a good thing that I wasn't the one behind the wheel- Lexi was. She didn't say anything the entire way, and I was grateful for that. I couldn't deal with someone telling me it was all going to be okay with one kumbaya song, when I knew the facts and those were: he was either never going to walk again or never going to breathe again. Neither sounded pleasant, nor were either alternatives something I was willing to accept.

Still, I kept my head straight as we reached the hospital, where I somehow managed to drag my legs up the stairs and to reception, with Lexi following, as we piled ourselves onto the counter, and ended up getting in a mini fight with the bitch of a receptionist, that refused to give us any information, all because we weren't a family member.

"You have to be kidding me!" I slammed my fist against the counter, as the round Edna glasses woman with an abominable smile that made her crooked teeth look even more nasty than they were, fought back.

"I'm sorry but it's hospital policy."

"Listen! I know him! His family isn't in the damm city, so if you could please just-"

"I'll call security if you use that language in my hospital." She talked back, as I grumbled about to mumble,

This isn't your hospital, you shrew. Truthfully, I would have blurted it out, had Lexi not pulled me to the side, and taken me away.

"I need to know." I frantically let out, as Lexi's eyes locked dead with mine, making the worrisome feeling in them crash onto me, as she told me to catch my breath and exhale out. Subconsciously, my lungs did as they were told, while she took the opportunity to cradle the uneasiness that was glue stuck on my mind.

"You need to calm down. He's alive." She said it with such surety, and without me even asking the next question, she answered my probing doubts."If he was dead she'd have said so."

It was cold hearted for me to be relieved over that, because that meant that Dylan's life was saved at the cost of an old man- Anthony was his name right? Still, that wasn't what made me a bad person, what made me terribly selfish was the fact that if it really was i my hands- I would kill the other man and save Dylan again, and I hated that, but I guess that's one of the other things we just don't understand- or maybe we do. We just don't like coming to terms with it, because that would mean acceptance.

Acceptance of choosing selfishly. We think we're noble, and if we had to make a choice between saving the world or the person we love, we'd make the right choice and choose the world. But I think most of us would light a wildfire turning the ground beneath us- killing our friends and our families- succumbing them to ash if it meant seeing that one person that we love again- at least that's what I would do- if it meant seeing him again.

"Do you have his mother's number?" Lexi snapped me back, as I nodded my head like a baby.

Why had I not thought of that?I hastily pulled out my phone from my back pocket, and found a number by the name of Esther. I instantly dialed it, hoping she hadn't changed her digits in the past 3 years. Thankfully she hadn't, as a sleepy, muliebrous voice picked up.

"Hello. Mrs Ryder is that you?"I bit my tongue as I thought of the easiest way to break it to a mother that her only son is on the verge of death, and the hospital he's staying at is refusing to give us any intel.

"Yes. Who is this?" She yawned, as a guilt rock dropped down my throat- I was going to forever destroy her peace.

"It's Blair Blair Anderson. I don't know if you remember me-"I started, but she interrupted me before I could finish.

"Oh yes! Of course I remember you Blair! How are you? Dylan said he's gone to see you. Have you met him?" Her voice indicated that she practically leapt out of bed, making me despise having to be the one to break this to her.

"Yes. I actually need to tell you something, but I want you to know that it's- it's all going to be okay, and I'm here with him. I'm not leaving. I'll stay as long as it takes."I rattled on, as Lexi's eyes instigated me to just say it.

"Dylan got into an accident." Hearing the words bang against my ear was a lot harder to take in than I expected, but I ignored the shriek that his mother made at the other end, as I ripped the bandaid off. "He's in the hospital."

I wasn't sure if it was me crying for the next 10 minutes, or her. Maybe it was us both, after which she demanded I give the phone to the receptionist. The only time I smiled was when the lady at the counter got the yelling she deserved, and informed me of Dylan's status. He was alive, but he wasn't well. He also wasn't paralyzed. Apparently the news reporters got it wrong, making me add them to the list of people I hate. However, he was severely injured, enough that they had to put him in the ICU.

I also wasn't allowed to meet him till morning, which was when his parents would arrive too- Mrs. Ryder practically yelled at her husband to book an instant ticket to Boston. She then sent me details of Dylan's medical records as I filled in the necessary form at the counter. I also assured her that I wasn't going to leave the hospital, not till I knew he was okay, and despite her insisting that I should go home, I didn't listen. So after a few tries, she stopped and said a low Thank-you.

"Thank-you Lexi." I repeated the same words to my best friend, as she laid her head on my shoulder, while we sat on the sofa, in the hallway.

It was almost 3 in the morning now, and the hospital seemed relatively empty. She really shouldn't have stayed with me, she had no reason to, yet she did. And to say I was filled with gratitude over the gesture was an understatement.

"I'm not going anywhere. He'll be okay."

"Do you really believe that?" I asked, as I held her hand and felt her palm's warmth take over my body. I liked how sister-like she was, how she was here. I liked the comfort and the ease of which she understood what I was going through, without me even having to say it. But I didn't like where we were. I didn't like the circumstances that were dawning on us. I hated them, and that made me dislike this tender moment a lot more than I should have.

"I believe that God isn't cruel. He won't take away something as precious as life so soon." She sighed, as her words trailed to a lighter subject, in hope of taking my mind off everything. "You're missing your test tomorrow?"

"You should be over the moon about that." I caught myself smiling, as she too chuckled.

"I am." She stated, as I felt her lips curve to a grin.

"My little girl is becoming a rebel."

Humor in the most tragic of situations. I rolled my eyes at her tactic. She was a-lot more like Dylan than I thought, and that's one of the reason's I loved her. One of the reasons I loved him. One of the reasons, I loved both of them. One of the reasons why I couldn't bear to have either halves of me being taken from me. It was also one of the reasons I said it, before it was too late.

"I love you." I whispered to Lexi, as if it compensated for never saying it to Dylan. It didn't, but it made me realize how important it was to tell the people you love that you love them, before you lost the chance to.