Lillian 'Anna' Potter || Goblet of Fire

Chapter Forty: Establishing the Distance

Anna’s throat felt like sandpaper as she stood in the middle of the lonely hallway - shifting back and forth in attempt to ease her anxiety.

7:45 Owlery. Don’t be late.

Looking back, the note she had sent was a bit cryptic, but Anna didn’t think she could’ve wrote the words properly with the way her hand was shaking. Bloody hell - she still had no clue how the heck she was supposed to say them.

You made a promise, she reminded herself - twisting the fabric of her blouse. You promised you would choose Cedric. That you would do right by him. This is the right thing to do - the right thing for everyone.

And it was, wasn’t it? Cedric would finally be happy - Draco would finally be free from whatever feelings they had deluded themselves into having for each other. Besides, a relationship between a Gryffindor and a Slytherin? Like George said, it never ended well for anyone.

Anna was already all set up to mess up so many of her friend’s lives. She couldn’t bear ruining his too.

“Potter?”

Her heart clenched as Draco’s face relaxed in his all too familiar cocky grin, mussing his ashen hair as he came towards her. “Only a time and a ‘don’t be late’? Sounds a bit dramatic, don’t you think?”

He stepped towards her to place a hand on her head - a habit that the two had fallen into from the height difference - and another jolt seemed to go through her as she gently pulled away from his touch, bringing her arms to her sides as she tightened her fists. It was easier to focus on the blood beginning to run down her palms from her fingernails than the ache in her chest.

He raised a suspicious eyebrow. “Anna?”

Anna swallowed the lump in her throat. “Um..I just..wanted to tell you that I can’t take you to the Three Broomsticks. It’s...just not a good idea.”

Draco scoffed. “What? We can’t just sit around and enjoy two cups of coffee? Isn’t that what friends do?”

“Stop that.” She said tersely. Anna kept her gaze on the ground. “Why do you keep pushing it, Draco? You say we’re just friends but you don’t actually mean it. You tell me to dance with you, flirt with me and tease me even though you know I have a boyfriend of my own. Don’t you realize that it’s just going to hurt both of us?” Don't you realize how much I want you but I can't?

Don’t look at his eyes. She shook her head. “That’s why I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to spend time with each other anymore. You want something from me that I’m not willing to give.” I can't be yours and you can't be mine. I refuse to hurt you.

“What are you talking about?” Draco snapped, retreating a few steps back - as if her very words repulsed him. “Diggory? That’s the reason you’re dropping me? If you’re going to tell me that you don’t want to be seen with me because of him, then you and I are going to have a problem.”

“He’s my boyfriend. And he’s uncomfortable with the idea of us hanging out all the time. And honestly...he should be.” Anna blinked furiously at the ground. “We’d never work, Draco. Even without the entire Gryffindor-Slytherin superstition. Your parents don’t want you to date a girl like me. And my family doesn’t want me to date a guy like you.” Of course by family, she meant Harry, Ginny, Ron and every name in between.

“This is ridiculous.” Draco huffed. He turned away from her - his back to her face.

“I’m sorry, Draco.” I don’t want to do this. “But it’s for the best.” Merlin, please don’t make me do this.

Suddenly, Draco’s hand was on her chin, forcing her gaze upwards into his endless silver gaze.

And all at once, she was breathless.

“Tell me.” He demanded quietly - rage evident in every deep syllable of his voice. “Was any of it real? Do you care for me at all?”

Of course I do! She wanted to scream. Tears bubbled up at the corners of her eyes. I want to be with you so badly - even if it’s selfish to want to have you when I know I can only be by your side for so long. I want to get the chance to talk to you sunrise to sunset - to spend time with you even if we aren’t talking at all. I want to let you fix every broken piece of this messed up person I am and I want to fight your battles with you by your side because I LOVE YOU DRACO MALFOY.

But she only closes her eyes and waits for the tears to absorb. Anna takes a deep, hollowing breath and looks right into those forsaken eyes.

“No.” She finally whispers.

Her heart is being torn from her chest.

“I never loved you, Draco.”

She looks to see her own hand, holding the weeping organ.

Anna expects him to yell and scream. Expects him to throw a fit and cause a huge diabolical that will throw both of them right back into detention again - maybe even slap her across the face for all the heartache she knows she’s caused him.

Draco may wear a face of marble, but she can see the pain echoing in his gaze; anger, hurt, betrayal. Each emotion makes her want to get down on her knees and take it all back - to eat each harsh word she had used intended for hurt, choke them down and let them tear up her own esophagus - at least then she would be the only one in pain. At least then Draco wouldn’t be giving her the look he was giving her right now.

“Okay.”

Draco slowly takes his hands away from her and steps away - though every place where their skin touched burns. “I’ll see you later, then.”

But when he walks away, Anna finally falls to the ground, and realizes that sometimes, simple silence can slice deeper than rage.