The Sea's Warrior (Fem Percy x YJ) [REWRITE]

36

I was going to regret this. 

I had known that far before I found myself sitting in a hallway of the Cave. Really, I knew it since I found out I was a demigod. There wasn't much to not regret after that. But as I picked at my palm, the feeling only set itself further into my bones. 

Therapy, it wasn't something we thought  about a lot. Demigods don't have problems, we can't afford to have problems, so therapy was unnecessary. If you watched someone die in front of you, you got up brushed yourself off and kept going. No choice but to do that. Well, there was a choice, but the alternative was pretty assuredly death. 

My hands pressed against the cold floor until the chill seeped into my bones. The place was quiet today. Not even the sounds of Megan cooking or Artemis and Wally arguing could be heard. an eerie, foreboding silence  had been cast like a spell, and I didn't like it. 

The door a few feet away opened and sandals hit against the stone. Low murmurs as Kaldur and Canary finished up a conversation. I kept my eyes on the wall. 

"I'll be back in a few minutes, I just need to grab a snack," said Canary. Her boots thudded with each step. I winced, caught myself moments too late, and swallowed. It didn't even sound all that similar, it didn't shake the floor, yet it echoed around my head and scraped my ears. 

Kaldur sighed and walked over. He sat beside me, one leg stretched out. "Are you okay?" he asked. I didn't look at him. 

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I believe you know why." 

I sighed and tilted my head back, trying to resist the urge to lean against him. "It wasn't real. It was nothing more than a nightmare, and I've had too far many nightmares about stuff to be affected by this one." It surprised me when my pants didn't immediately burst into flames, but apparently that did nothing to assure Kaldur it was the truth since his sole utterance was a soft version of my codename. That made me look at him. "I knew what I was walking into, Kaldur."

"You were willing to--"

"And I still am if it comes down to it. And you really can't say anything about this. I'm pretty sure you would've done the same thing if it gave the others a better chance." I pushed up my sunglasses. "That's what me sacrificing myself did, it gave you a better chance of getting out. Heroes can't exactly worry all that much about their own lives."

"Where did you get that idea?"

My only response was a soft chuckle and a shake of my head. I looked back at the wall, all too aware of the pale green eyes focused on me. My fingers tapped against my leg as I attempted to shake the feeling scurrying over my skin. We're not the same, and for things to not get worse he can never know. 

Thing will get worse anyway, of course, because that's just what life is for demigods. 

The heavy footsteps from down the hall made me look. Canary walked to the door, chewing a granola bar, the wrapper held in her hand. She swallowed. 

"Come in when you're ready," she said. She disappeared into the room. 

With a great, relieved sigh, I got up. The short walk to the door carried the same weight as when I walk into the council room on Olympus. I sighed, softer and shorter this time, knowing he wouldn't let this go. The door closed behind me. It clicked into place. A waterfall gurgled against the wall which made the tension leave my shoulders. Sinking into the chair, I stared at Canary.

"How are you doing?" Her attention made me shift, made me want Riptide in my hand. 

I swallowed. This wasn't right. Thought after thought swirled in my head, every one of them screamed that this was wrong. I didn't deserve help, I didn't need it, and I certainly couldn't accept it. Accepting help meant there would be a price to pay; I wasn't sure I could afford it.