Bullied || Shawn Mendes

Chap. 15

The rest of the weekend went by pretty fast. The morning after the date, my mother and Brandon would not get off me about what happened that night. The only thing I would tell them was that i had a good time and would love to go out again. Which was true, I really did have a good time. I had a great time. Shawn has this sense of humor that would always make me laugh. There were no awkward silences, Shawn always knew what to say and when to say it.

"So therapy today, Tegan. Remember?" my mother asks. I suddenly had forgotten what was going on in my head, and shuddered at the thought of therapy. My parents always said it was helping me, but I never really thought it would.

"Right," I said, pulling my toast out the toaster, "Well, I'm heading to school. I'll see you guys later."

"I'll take you," Brandon said, quickly grabbing his keys and following me out the door.

As usual, the car ride starts out awkward. Brandon quietly hums in the drivers seat next to me, quickly changing every channel as he tries desperately looking for a song. I sit nervously next to him, looking out towards the city in front of us.

"So, how are you feeling lately?" Brandon asked. I looked at him, seeing his bright smile staring into my eyes.

"Fine, I guess," my voice trailed off. I wasn't sure what to say to him. I was feeling okay, just not great. I was feeling great with Shawn, but the feeling was temporary. Just thinking about Shawn made me shiver. I wasn't even sure what to say. I wasn't sure what to think. Since I didn't kiss him like he wanted me to will he be mad? Maybe I should've kissed him. I was nervous. The heat of the moment made me think twice about what I was doing. Thinking back at it now, I wish that I did kiss him.

"You like Shawn?" Brandon asked, his voice making me focus back to reality.

"Yeah," I breathed, "Yeah, he's really cool."

Brandon chuckled, and looked over at me for a split second before turning his attention back to the road, "But do you like him?"

I thought about that for a long time. I wasn't sure if I just liked Shawn as a friend, or if it was something more. Overthinking about it gave me a headache, but I just couldn't stop thinking about it.

"It's okay if you don't know. You don't need to know quite yet. I, personally really like Shawn. But that's all up to you."

I stayed quite until we arrived in the school parking lot. I said goodbye to Brandon and thanked him for the ride before preparing myself to walk inside this dreadful high school.

I had made my way to my locker before I realized I needed to use the bathroom. After I stuffed all my things into my small locker I walked through the doors of the bathroom to see that Lexi and another girl was already standing in front of the mirror, fixing their hair and makeup. I felt my heart skip a beat and suddenly it began beating rapidly. Like I was having heart palpitations. Everything suddenly became quiet.

I was alone in a bathroom with the girl who would do anything and everything to hurt me. I was vulnerable. I was scared. I would've done anything to get out of that situation if I was able to. But I couldn't. I was frozen in my own tracks.

Lexi chuckled and walked around me twice before muttering something to the girl next to her. They both laughed and rolled their eyes toward me.

"Tegan. Long time no see, yeah?" Lexi said.

"Yeah," I murmured, "I'll just leave."

Before I could even turn around, Lexi had already gripped my wrist. She stared at me, and grinned, as if she was up to something harmful, "You are a worthless piece of crap, Tegan," she whispered slowly, "Shawn told me about your little play date with him. He doesn't love you. I mean...why would he, you're not pretty..."

Lexi kept talking, but I stopped listening. My whole world had gone blank.

You're not pretty.

The words repeated over and over in my head. She was right. Shawn would never love anybody like me. I'm not pretty. I'm anything but pretty. I'm worthless.

I'm nothing.

***

I sat at lunch alone that day. Maya and even Shawn tried sitting next to me, but I pushed them both away. They wouldn't question me, they just walked off looking worried and sad.

You're not pretty

It was all I could think about all day. During the bus ride home, the words echoed inside my head, like my conscious was trying to make me realize she was right. I already knew she was. I knew for the longest time I wasn't the prettiest princess out there like she is. I didn't want to be. But now something inside told me I need to be. But I can't be.

I walked inside my house with my head down, thinking about everything that had happened.

"Tegan, you know Brandon went to pick you up."

My heart raced at the sound of my name and the only thing I could hear was the sound of my uneven breathing. I stumbled up the stairs almost falling down at the top before I reached my bedroom. My eyes were drenched with tears by the time I reached my dresser.

I dig through the drawers to the bottom until I reached the blade I was looking for.

Without thinking, I pressed the cold metal to my arm until the dark red liquid was visible. My vision soon went blurry before everything was starting to go blank.

"Goodbye."

--

omg whet. okay yeah so that happened and here is your update yay!! sorry this chapter sucks booty i just really wanted to update for you guys.

and yo dawgs feel free to message me or dm me on twitter (@/bubblymendess) bc im always up to talk.

and i know tegan is a brunette but shes a blonde on the cover just ignore that and pretend shes a brunette bc i love the cover so thx.

aha and btw my name isnt whatever i said it was i forgot lol. my parents made me use it for 'safety reasons' but my name is kayla so ya dx

vote and comment and i luv u guys sososo much bye!!