Bullied || Shawn Mendes

Chap. 16

The wind blew back against my hair, my dark brown curls lightly flowing in the soft wind. Nature was all around me, I seemed to be in a flower field. Bright pink, purple, orange, and all colored flowers surrounded me. I smiled looking up at the blue sky. No clouds were to be seen and the sun beamed down brightly against my pale skin.

Animals like deer and elk appeared in the distance. It was beautiful, the way the nature was. It was almost unreal.

"Tegan," the soft voice behind me whispered in my ear. I turned to see Shawn, holding his soft hand out for me to grab. Without knowing what in the world was going on, I grabbed his hand and he lead me farther into the field until we arrived at the sight of a cute picnic. I sat next to him and he smiled as he grabbed out foods for us to eat.

"Tegan," someone else said. My father was standing behind me, a worry look on his face and tears streaming down his eyes. His eyes were a dark red and his hands were placed in front of his stomach, as he nervously rubbed his hands together, "Wake up. Please, please wake up."

Confused, I looked back at Shawn who was no longer there. My head quickly turned back to my father who was gone as well. I started to get light headed and felt as if the world was spinning too fast. My body turned, and turned several times before the sights around me had suddenly changed.

I stood in the middle of a hospital. Before me, doctors nurses, and my own parents came rushing towards me with a hospital bed at there side. Confused, I let them pass me, and my heart almost dropped to my feet as I saw my very own body on the hospital bed.

I followed the doctors into a room, where they connected me to gadgets and tried there best to shock me back into living.

All of it had come back to me. I was in my room, after a bad day at school. I was fed up. I couldn't take it anymore. Instead of talking to myself, and telling me it's going to be okay, the voices in my head said the complete opposite. And now, I'm here.

--

I hid behind the chair in the corner of the room. It seems as if I was there for hours, but when I looked at the clock it had only been five minutes and I was still in surgery. I didn't know what was going on but I was too afraid to find out what was. Why could I see myself. Am I dead, or still alive? Am I in a coma. It only made sense, I'm not dead, not moving, but I'm still here. Tears streamed down my face and I couldn't help but quietly whimper.

I stared through the small crack through the chair and out the window of the room and after a couple minutes saw Shawn rushing in the room, his hair messed up and eyes dark red. My heart raced and I stood quickly running towards him.

"Is she okay?" Shawn asked, his voice deep and raspy.

"So far, she's still with us, but it's not looking good." my father said.

I felt my heart drop and tears form in my eyes. I never even bothered to think about the consequences of this. How it would make others feel. How it would effect their lives. It was a bad day at school, and had no one to blame but myself. The voices in my head wouldn't stop talking, telling things like end it now and you're worthless anyway. I had to do something to stop the voices, and the only way that made sense was to end my life. I didn't bother trying to talk to myself, like my therapist would always tell me to. She said talking myself through it would make the voices disappear. But I never did that. Not once did I try. And now I wish I had.

Minutes after Shawn arrived, Maya had rushed her way into the waiting room with the others. I stood by the corner, keeping my distance but close enough to where I could here them.

"How is she?" Maya asked, "is she going to be okay?"

"She's okay for now," was all that my mom said before she cried into her hands, my dad then holding her in his arms.

Hours passed. I was beginning to worry for myself, but I wasn't willing to see my own body dying on a hospital surgery table. Soon a doctor then came walking past me, walking towards my parents, and I quickly followed. My heart still was beating fast, and it felt as if it would burst out of my chest.

"We did all that we could. The surgery was successful but unfortunately it left Tegan in a coma. It isn't known how long she will be brain dead, but it isn't expected for her to emerge from it in a couple of weeks. Maybe a few months. We are very sorry."

"Can-can we see her?" my mother asked between sobs.

"Of course, this way."

The doctor turned the opposite direction, leading them to my half dead body. I tried my best to keep my feet moving as I quickly followed behind them.

I looked so peaceful for someone that was brain dead. Seeing myself slowly breathing made me want to cry but knowing I'm still alive was something to be grateful for. My mother started to cry, along with Maya but the rest of them looked at me, a stray tear falling from their eyes. I could do nothing but stand there, watching as they approached my sleeping body. Tears started to build up behind my eyes and before I knew what was going to happen next, they started to fall down my cheeks. I fell to my knees, covering my eyes, and sobbing, as loud as I could. I started to feel angry at myself for the choice I had made. I didn't even tell anyone how I was feeling. I didn't try to get help, I just let the voices control me, and now I have ended up here, with no one to talk to, no one to hold, and no one to tell me I'm here for you.

Soon everyone had gone home, but my parents were sitting out in the waiting room and Shawn was sitting in the chair next to my bed, crying into my brain dead body. I had never seen Shawn cry, and it made me feel utterly terrible that I was the cause of his tears.

"Tegan," he said. The sound of his voice made my heart skip a beat, "Oh Tegan. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left you alone at school today. I know Lexi talked to you. She came and talked to me after school. I should've went to your house I'm so sorry. I don't know what it's like having to deal with Lexi and I'm so very sorry-I'm so sorry I was apart of that for that long time. I was an idiot to be so mean to you. I don't even know what I was thinking. At first...at first it felt so good to be mean, but I realized what a complete idiot I was for doing it. I'm really sorry I never stopped Lexi. All that time I was watching her be so mean and I never said a thing. This is all my fault.

The truth is...I-I love you. Ever since I realized what I was making you live through, I thought you were the most beautiful girl. If I ever had told Lexi she would've laughed in my face and called me an idiot. But now, now I don't care what she thinks. I want to spend as much time as I can with you. And if that means coming here the second visiting hours is open and leaving the second it closes, I will do that. Anything to spend time with you, Tegan. Because I love you."

--

do not tell me im copying the idea of if i stay or i will cut you:) thx soso much ily i actually got this idea from that one episode of hannah montana i wasnt even thinking of if i stay bc tbh i dont really like that book dont hate me bye