Indian Wedding Tales

P A Y A L : part II

The first half of the day went by like a bullet train. All I did in between breaks was consume an unhealthy amount of caffeine and munched on Aloo Bhujia to fill the gaping hole in my heart. Bloated, barely motivated and utterly pissed I dialed a number and pressed my phone against my ear.

"Hello?" The groggy voice of my best friend filled the air and gave me a bit comfort as it washed away the feeling of restlessness.

"Mamta" I say defeated and fell back on my chair. All energy and show leaving my body.

"You okay, Payal?" Mamta asked as I heard shuffling in the background.

"Did I disturb you?" I asked as I chewed my lip. It was selfish of me to wake up my best friend while she's across the world and trying to raise a toddler in a foreign country.

"No, I just put Ben to sleep," Her voice loses all sleep and her voice becomes more firm.

"Are you okay, hun?" Her question slices through the silence around me and I feel hopelessly immature and embarrassed.

"He's still talking to her, Mamta" I don't know what came over me but I bent forward, hiding my face in my hand as if Mamta could see me right now. I knew I was acting vulnerable but what could I do? I felt vulnerable!

"To whom?"

"His ex-girlfriend, Krishna," Irritation and anger seeped into my voice as I had to admit this.

"That son of a building!" Mamta roared on the other side. "How could he do this?"

"Exactly!" I cried out. "Sometimes I feel like I'm chasing behind a cloud. Every time I get closer, it slips away and changes form"

"Does he know that you know?" Mamta asked.

"Yes, I think so. You know he rushed to the bathroom to go talk to her like secret lovers! I don't even what I'm more angry about. The fact that he's talking to her or the fact that he hides it like this"

"You really need to talk to him about this" Mamta spoke softly.

"You think so?" I muttered as my fingers began picking at the nail paint.

"Of course! That man really needs to understand that he is married and he can't go around fooling with his ex. I don't even understand why he is still in contact with her after that girl refused to marry him!"

"I..... feel like shit" I confessed as I saw small my chipped nails and the dust of nail paint on my desk. Red like blood. Red like fallen rose petals.

"Don't you dare cry" She ordered.

"I don't even have the energy for that" I sighed. "You know what hurts the most? Even after putting so many efforts in this marriage, I'm receiving such deception."

"You know after every outing we make, I make him home cooked meal so he doesn't go bed empty stomach. I purchased a high back customized chair for him so he could work in peace at home and not worry about back pains. I rise before him and wake him up so he can go for his morning runs because he doesn't get up on alarm ringtones. I brought a Rohit Sharma signed ball for him on his birthday! I......."

I was breathless and hurt. I blinked away fast and tried to calm my nerves.

"I'm not trying to list what I've done for him but...."

"I know, Payal. I understand."

"Mamta, you've had a love marriage na?"

"Uh... yes"

"Is falling in love so maddening? Is it so maddening that it makes you forget social boundaries? Is it really like people describe it? Does it make you an addict that always comes back for more and more?"