Indian Wedding Tales

T E J A L : part II

Where was Rakesh from 8 to 10?

Since the past fifteen days, he would come home at 10, smelling of mint and looking like he drove through a kabaddi fight. I knew what the mint was a cover up for. I ignored knowing all too well that he would never get addicted to anything. He never had till now.

But what was he doing if he came home early? Where and with whom was he spending these two hours with?

And just the way he came late, was there a reason he left early before anyone of us could wake up? Refusing to take with him home cooked meals and relying on the street food everyday?

My stomach didn't feel good now. Each of my organs were having their own tantrum at the moment. 

Ansh's chart paper was getting rumpled in my hand. I exhaled and loosened my grip on it. 

I walked back into the building with a bundle of questions hovering above my head but the first thing I had to do was find where my dear husband was. 

I still remember a year ago when we got the car. Rakesh wanted to buy a six seater SUV so that both Mom and Dad could accompany us anywhere we decided to go.

"Aap chinta mat karo Papa, hum Rishikesh jayenge, Manali ghumenge, Darjeeling ki chai piyenge," Rakesh had said with that wholesome smile. 

That dream would forever be incomplete without Papa. 

The back of my eyes burned at this thought. 

My husband lying and behaving like this wasn't helping either.

To confirm what Bhartiji had said, I walked to the parking lot in the basement. Grey walls surrounded me, mirroring my mood. The stoic lights blinking every now and then. 

As I rounded the corner, I spotted our white SUV neatly parked in it's place. I drew in a sharp breath. 

The car was empty.

My stomach was getting more upset by the minute. I felt like throwing up. I willed myself to walk to the rear exit of the parking lot. With every step, I was pouring more energy into my legs, forcing them to not give up one me. 

There he was. 

A cigarette in hand and overlooking the garden in front of him. A glass bottle sat a few steps away from him, half filled. His bag was discarded in a corner, just the way his family was. 

He had lost weight and looked like he had aged years in a few months time. 

My sandals squeaked and announced my presence, it was then that he turned around and our eyes met. 

The air had chilled in that minute and grown heavy. Silence surrounded us as we stared down at each other.

I inhaled loudly before speaking. I wasn't going to hold back. 

"So this is what you do after coming from the office while I bust my ass after our family running here and there! You've been lying to me all this time that you're in the office working till late. And now I find you here? Smoking away in this parking lot and resorting to daily drinking? Shrey has been asking for you non-stop, mother's diabetes is unstable, Ansh had an accident last week, my own shares in-"

"Give me a break, Tejal" Rakesh cut me before I could continue. He rolled his eyes and turned away like I was a frivolous interruption to whatever it was that he was doing. 

Did he just turn his back on me? My veins burned with anger. 

"A break?! You want a break from your family? So now having a conversation with your wife is so taxing that you want a break?!" Could he hear himself?

His shoulder muscles twitched at my words but he didn't turn around. I stomped to where he stood, forcing him to look at me. 

"Do you have any idea what's going on in the house? In our house? One where your children are longing to talk to their father, one where your mother's eyes are looking dull and lifeless!" I shout as loud as I could, "I have to handle everyone! I'm always on my feet, playing mother and father while managing home, children's schools, classes, mother's doctor appointment, her food, her health"

"AND I NEED A BREAK FROM THAT!"

I stumbled back at the intensity of his words. This was not the Rakesh I knew. 

"From your own family?" I let the words hang in the air. If it wasn't to take a stand for my children, I would've probably let the tears fall freely.

"I feel fucking suffocated in the house!" He bent his knees, squatting and clutching his hair. Frustrated.

My body wasn't coping well with this. My head hurt and my stomach was on a rollercoaster. 

Was Rakesh really saying this? 

"So you suddenly feel suffocated in your own house?" I asked calmly now. 

Rakesh gave me a deadly stare. Looking at me with a fierceness like never before. 

I steeled my veins before continuing.

"I know you're grieving the loss of your father, I know this is not the life you had planned for our family. But this is life! Tragedies happen! We lose the people we love! But this does not mean we go run off from others and refuse to deal with it!"

Rakesh looked at me for a minute. I couldn't understand what was going inside his head. 

I wanted to tell him that his boys were missing their father too just the way he was. Someone had to be strong for this. Someone had to be the one to take care of moth-

"You talk to your mother and father daily, right?"

I lifted my head to look at him. His eyes were dark and his face wasn't the one I recognized as my husband. 

"What do you know what it's like to lose your own parent?" And with that he walked past me. 

I stood there processing what he'd just said to me. 

Ice shards would've pierced me less harshly than his words.

*******

OMG OMG OMG

sorry for being late.