Her Safe Place

17 -

"Just talk to her." The women shrugged her shoulders casually. Toni frowned her eyebrows at her therapist in disbelief. It can't simply be that easy? After all the years of being apart, Toni's suppose to just "talk to her"?. Thats not the answer she was looking for at all.

"Talk to her? How am I supposed to talk to her? I can't." Said Toni, in a reality she's known this. She's known it since the moment her and Janet locked eyes.

"Yeah. You have to talk to her, Toni. That's all you can do. It'll put your mind at ease." Dr.Ryan's began to write on her notepad.

"Okay, but what if she apologizes? She's look at me with those eyes.. how an I supposed to say no to those eyes?" Dr.Ryan's smiled faintly and just looked at her patient. Toni rolled her eyes at the no response.

"Don't look at me like that, Sam." Said Toni. Dr.Ryan's only continued her glares.

"Fine I'll talk to her—but what am I suppose to say?"

"You say how you feel."

"It's not that easy.."

"Yes it is. You're making it seem harder than it needs to be. Unless you're not telling me something? She's not your wife, just a friend."

Toni scratched the back of her neck, looking down at the floor while biting the inside of her cheek. Dr.Ryan made note of that.

"So, she's not a friend?" Asked the therapist.

"Of course she is.. now—but before. I may have been deeply in love with her.. to the point where, when she left I fell into such a bad depression I ended up on your couch." Toni spoke fast and smiled awkwardly. Dr.Ryan made more notes. Toni sat in silence as she waiting for her doctor to speak.

"My only suggestion is talking to her, it's stressing you. My recommendation is just talking. I'm not saying you have to forgive her just yet, but talk to her. Your heart will tell you want to do." Toni shook her head nervously. Still unsure on if she could actually talk..

~~~~

"Are you ready to talk?" Asked Janet. Her and Toni have been sitting in silence since the moment Janet stepped foot in her home. Which was about ten minutes ago. Toni had been lost in thought, replaying her session with Dr.Ryan's.

"No."

"No?" Janet asked confused.

"No, I can't talk to you. But I'll listen, to what you have to say.." Toni's voice was soft, for if she risen it any higher It'd be filled with too much emotion.

"So where do you want me to start?" Asked Janet, Toni didn't respond. All she did was look at Janet, longing.

"Why? Why did you leave.. why did you leave me?" She spoke with a sigh. Janet was shocked by her calmness. Realizing the toll all of this had on Toni she began to feel even more guilty.

"I had to.. after moth—Katherine discovered I was in love with you, she kept me away. They said I was theirs' and only theirs'" said Janet. Toni breathing hitched as her heart shattered a bit more. Still she didn't speaking. Upon the realization that she wouldn't, Janet continued.

"So, until I was eighteen I was only allowed to work then come straight home. I couldn't contact anyone.. I just had to take it." Janet wiped the tears that began to form in her eyes. It became harder to speak.

"And um—once I was around eighteen, almost nineteen I stood up to them and left. It wasn't too hard, my career had just started taking off." Janet continued the best that she could. Tears swelled Toni's eyes as well.