Letting Him In

Chapter-14

"If I was dying on my knees
You would be the one to rescue me
And if you were drowned at sea
I'd give you my lungs so you could breathe"

-Kodaline, Brother

________________________________________________________________________________

Dean

Dean stared at his ceiling, paints scattered on the floor as he laid in bed and waited for the first coat of paint to dry. His hands and clothes were stained with green and yellow and pink, but he didn't bother washing up just yet; it would all be stained again when he sat back down to complete the portrait. The sound of footsteps caused him to turn toward the door to find Christian making his way in.

Sitting down on his bed, he said, "Wanna hit the mall with a couple of my friends tonight? I need to get some new sport shoes."

Dean looked at his brother, raising an eyebrow. "What friends," he teased.

Christian rolled his eyes. "Rick and some others. You wanna come or not?"

Dean sat up immediately, looking at Christian wide-eyed. "I thought you said you didn't hang out with them anymore."

Christian shook his head, but Dean pressed on. "They're bad news, Chris."

A shadow passed over his face as Christian stood up, the lighthearted mood dissipating. "Seriously, dude? What do you think is going to happen? I'll get into drugs again? I know better than that, dude. Can everyone just move on from the past?" he said, exasperated; but all it did was fuel Dean's own concern. He knew where Christian was coming from, but it was more than just about forgetting everything that had happened.

"Chris, I get it, but you know what Rick is like. He's the reason I almost lost you, and I can't do that again, okay? You haven't even been back for a year. Mom and dad would send you back if they found out you're meeting those guys again," he said in a soft voice, not knowing what could anger Christian right then.

Sitting back down, Christian's eyes softened a little. It was all still too raw for both of them. "I know, D. But it wasn't anyone else's fault but mine. I was the one who begged him for the drugs; I was the one who felt the need for them because of my stupid insecurities. He denied me, you know. I threatened to find some other dealer, and he didn't want me doing anything even more reckless. They all looked out for me in their own way; at least get to know them before you make your decision, little brother," he said.

Dean sighed, knowing he was right. But it was so much easier blaming someone else; because if he accepted that it was Christian's fault, he would have to confront both their demons. He would have to acknowledge all the ways he could have helped. He wasn't ready for that. Instead, he leaned back on his arms, and said, "Fine. I'll come. Also, stop calling me little brother."

Christian laughed, and Dean was glad to see that Christian was going back to the way he used to be: kind, light-hearted and laid back. He had only seen that brother in glimpses since he had come back from rehab, be it was getting better.

"Anyway, are we going to acknowledge your latest infatuation?" At Dean's shocked expression he laughed and ruffled his hair. "What? You practically melted every time Elijah fucking shot you with that lazer gun the other day; the competitive Dean would have gotten revenge, but you laughed. Giggled, actually. Even yesterday, at Allen's, you kept giving him the heart eyes instead of focusing on video games," he smirked.

Dean groaned. "Why did I ever come out to you?"

He remembered that night clearly. He had gone to an afterparty after a football game in Brooklyn; it had been his first match anywhere other Kingston, and he had been a bundle of nerves. He remembered that the other team had been pretty chill, and even though they had lost, and had taken his team to an afterparty being hosted at one of their places. It was the first time he had gotten drunk, and maybe it was the extra confidence, or the need to know his identity without doubt, but when a hot jock from that team began flirting with him, Dean pulled him into a washroom and kissed him.