October Academy

Chapter 27

"It's just me, relax," Darcy says, putting up his hands defensively as he steps through the forever open door.

"What are you – did you follow me?"

"You looked upset, I just wanted to check that you're ok."

"Well I'm fine. You can leave now."

"You don't seem fine."

I wipe my face quickly, attempting and failing to look 'fine'.

Darcy walks over, standing right in front of me. "Do you want to talk about it?"

One small sob escapes me and I cover my face with my hands. "No..."

Darcy leans his arm on the back of my chair, leaning down so that his face hangs inches from mine. His hand reaches out to cup my cheek, wiping a tear from my face. "I hate seeing you like this."

"I don't want to cry in front of you," I say, trying not to let my voice crack, starring at the ground.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know what to do..." I sigh, dragging my eyes from the floor and looking into Darcy's. Even though I'm somewhat distraught, the intensity catches me off guard.

How sometimes he's so cold and distant – but tonight he feels warm.

"It's Tim," I say.

"Your foster brother?"

"I got a letter today saying 'it wasn't an accident'. At first I thought it was about something else but now... I don't know."

Darcy sits across the isle directly beside me. "Do you think it was an accident?"

"I mean... I knew Tim was selling but I didn't think he was doing any of the drugs he sold." I look down at my hands. "Part of me doesn't believe it."

"If it wasn't an accident, what do you think happened?"

I shake my head. "I have no idea... I should've talked to him more. I should've..." I fiddle with the hem of my shirt.

"You know it wasn't your fault."

"But it was. Because I could've done more. I could've-"

"Jade," he says, "You are not responsible for what your family does and feels."

"How would you know? You know nothing about me or Tim," I accidentally snap.

He's taken aback by my abruptness.

"And – besides, why do you even care? I heard you only talk to me to piss off Xander."

"Xander?" he rolls his eyes.

"Because if you're under some impression that he likes me or something, you're wrong. So you can go annoy someone else."

He looks offended. "Ok firstly, why would I give a fuck about Xander? And secondly, have you not picked up that he's gay?"

"Xander is not gay."

"There's no way a guy could just be friends with you, Jade," he says it like the most obvious thing in the world, "not without feeling something."

"Well, you don't," I say without thinking.

"We aren't friends."

My jaw drops. "Right," I snap, standing up abruptly ready to leave.

"No, I meant... just forget I said that," he stands up too, and we're less than a foot apart. He runs his hand through his hair exasperatedly. "You make me confuse my words."

Heat rushes to my cheeks. "Why? Do I make you nervous?" I mock, copying what he said to me at Districts.

He seems to take the hint, a devilish smile spreading over his features. "Besides, if that were true about Xander, I'd be going for his sister."

"Don't get any ideas."

"Why? Would that make you jealous?"

"Wh- ugh- you have some nerve."

"I'm just teasing."

I cross my arms.

"Tell me more," he says gently, sitting back down.

I sigh and sit down slowly. I don't know how many hours we sit and talk about Tim. But by the end of it, I feel like I've finally gotten everything off my chest.

"Thanks for talking to me," I yawn, ready to go back to my dorm and sleep.

"Do you feel better?"

"I do, now," I say, quietly. I don't want to tell him how much this means to me, it'll give him too much power over me.

"I'll walk you back to your dorm," he says, noticing my continued yawning. "Hopefully no one sees us."

"Why? Because you're embarrassed to be seen talking to me?" I can't believe I just said that.

"No, because we're breaking curfew – why would you think that?" he says as we make our way through the woods. We use our phone flash to see, the only sound is our boots crunching on leaves in the dead silence of the night.

"I've noticed that you're only nice to me when no one is around."

He shakes his head, "I'm not embarrassed."

"Well you said it yourself, we're not even friends so-" Why do I even care? I'm making a fool of myself.

"You know I didn't mean it like that." He grabs my arm, pulling me to a stop. We're alone except for the tall trees surrounding us, and the moon high in the sky, watching over us. "Jade," he says quietly.

It's too dark to make out any of his features, especially with my phone light trained to the ground.

"It's fine," I change tactics fast before I sound any more desperate. "Let's just get back to our dorms before Ms Svetkov goes all Trunchbull on me." I add on a carefree laugh.

His hand slides down my arm, softly brushing against my fingers for the briefest second before he lets go.

I try to ignore any feelings of butterflies or chills – this boy just completely ruins me every time we speak. He makes me feel something just to throw it all in my face. Besides, what about Callum?

I start walking, a few steps ahead of him.

"Jade," he says again and I stop briefly. "I just don't want to ruin this."

"Ruin what?"

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Hurt me how?" I'm so confused.

"I'm so fucked up, you don't understand."

"I think I understand 'fucked up' a lot more than you realise," I shake my head. "You don't need to protect me from anything, ok? I can handle it."

He nods, "Give me your phone."

I pass it to him unflinchingly.

He takes it, puts something on it, then passes it back to me, "Text me next time you need to talk."

We walk back to our dorms in silence, somehow at a new kind of understanding, even though I'm not sure that I correctly interpreted a single word he said. But... I think the message was conveyed.