October Academy

Chapter 36

My face pinches. Darcy's at my door? I stand up and hesitantly unlock the door. I'm surprised to see Darcy's clean face, his red lips, long lashes, dark curls curtaining his eyes.

"Hey," he says quietly through the slightly opened door.

"Hey?" I say, remembering how much of an ass he was after I slept in bed with him. Trying to remember to be angry with him.

"Walk?"

"I should be studying," I say softly, without conviction.

"Can't you take a break?"

I shake my head. "Gladys – I mean, Mrs Stock, told me I'll face expulsion if I don't pass every subject." I try my hardest to not let him in.

Darcy looks away thoughtfully. It reminds me of his performance last night.

"What are you studying for now?" he asks.

"Maths," I say with a sigh, "and then probably history and architecture."

"I can help," he smiles.

I feel my cheeks go hot at the thought of him in my room. I look back quickly, to make sure there's no underwear on the floor, then open the door wide enough for him to pass through, closing it behind him once he's inside. He openly regards the room, dipping his head to look from top to bottom.

I already regret letting him in. I should be mad at him – I shouldn't be making it easy for him to manipulate me.

Darcy takes a seat on my bed and I return to my position on my desk. "I've been trying to solve this problem for half an hour," I sigh, passing my notepad to him.

He looks at it for less than three seconds, solves it in front of me, then passes me back my notepad.

"Now how did you do that?" I groan, reading over his small, neat handwriting. I compare it to my own- messy, practically illegible.

I hold the notepad in my hands. He leans forward, explaining how he solved the question, while pointing to his working on my notepad. His long slender fingers dance across the page, his face hangs just above my shoulder.

The room feels smaller with Darcy in it.

I wonder whether I can't focus enough to solve the problem because I have ADHD or because Darcy's presence is so intoxicating.

He explains the solution one more time before we move onto the next question. We spend an hour on maths. I barely get half the answers correct, and my endurance is wearing thin. I can't focus on words and numbers for long periods of time – I get too fidgety and start getting anxious. I know I'm not going to pass, no matter how hard I try.

But Darcy... He's so patient with me, that it makes me forget how rude he can be, and it's almost enough to keep me going. He's patient and gentle and kind. It's like there's Fifty Shades of Darcy, that's for sure. (Or like Shrek – he's an onion with layers? I like that metaphor less.)

I want to tell him how much it means to me that he's helping me – but I'm scared to be too forward. Every time I start to feel comfortable around him, he changes tactics. This time, I want to be the first to withdraw – even though I predict I won't have the self-control.

We move onto History. I understand the content of history so much better, but struggle to word my answers. When I tell Darcy about how I would answer a question, he nods his head like I've said it all correct. But when it comes to writing it down, my thoughts can't form sentences anymore.

Now I start to get more panicky. The sickly recognition that I might fail becomes too real.

Darcy puts his hand on my back and says, "Hey, you're doing good. Don't stress."

"No... I'm not doing good, Darcy." I cover my face with my hands and sigh into them. "Writing is so hard. It takes so much effort just to write – the words jumble together in my head and I get the biggest fucking headache."

"You've been working for a while-"

"No, you don't get it. You're smart – it makes me feel inferior," I groan, "Before I came to October Academy, my old foster parents..."

He looks at me with a severe intensity, urging me to continue.

"They didn't let me read or write – eventually they got me and Tim home-schooled but did all the assignments for us. The only thing we were allowed to do was train."

Though he attempts to remain calm, I can tell through his eyes that he seems upset by this, outraged even.

"When I came here, Ben tutored me every day after school. He basically taught me English from scratch. When he was still at the Academy, he pretty much wrote my assignments for me. Now he's busy with med school and running the Nine Lives, so I try not to bother him so much. But... I'm just dumb." Tears prick my eyes but I force them down. I am not crying in front of Darcy again.

"I didn't know," he says.

I turn around in my chair so that our knees are touching.

"But if I... if I fail then I'll be expelled. And... I don't want to leave." I have to say everything slowly, controlled, because if I don't I might start balling.

"I don't want you to leave either," he says, he leans forward and wraps his arms around me. I think he senses I'm about to cry.

"I'm so... fucked... I'm not smart enough-"

"Jade, you are smart, and beautiful, and talented - and even if you fail these meaningless exams, you are perfect just the way you are," he says with one breath. "You're not going to fail."

I look up at him, his dark brown eyes scanning over my features.

Did he just call me beautiful?

I lean away from him. Now's his cue to become a jerk. He slips, he says something too nice, he seems too interested, and then he puts on his facade – the one where no one at this school is good enough for him.

So I do the one thing I didn't think I could. I muster the courage to say, "It's almost curfew."

He nods like he gets the picture and I regret it instantly.

What if I asked him to stay? What if I told him to hold me close in my single bed all night? What if I told him how badly I want to kiss him and run my fingers down his –

"I'll see you around," he says, standing up, walking towards the door. "Jade," he says, hand on the door-knob.

"Yeah?"

"I won't let you leave."

"There's nothing you can do about it," I sigh, one tear dropping down my cheek. I wipe it away instantly, hoping he doesn't see.

"Good night," he says, a small yet sorrowful smile spreading on his lips.

"Good night," I say.