When the morning comes

49 | Campione's notebook

Benjamin Malin Moretti thoughts book

It was Friday the 19th October, 2018.

The day before, on Thursday, the evening, I was feeling a little bit strange. I was lying in bed, it was cold, but Papà constantly opened and closed the doors downstairs. Like it was summer and he wants the bugs gone. Mamma was there too but she was not feeling so well. (she had cancer already)

I could hear them talking all the time. Sometimes loud, but Mamma usually had a little bit of a louder voice because of the Italian mentality, she would say. She said I have it too. I thought they were having fun. But sometimes Papà raised his voice too, and that didn't happen often. Only when Papà is really irritated. I tried to listen but I was tired from school and playing and everything so I fell asleep almost every time.

It was a moment later and I got startled when Papà woke me up. I remember looking at the time and seeing it was almost eleven pm, which was super late and I had school the day after. I didn't understand why Papà would wake me up at that time. Papà said, Campione, I'm going to bring you over to Nolan okay. I said why Papà?? I'm sleeping.

No Benjamin, you can sleep over at Nolan. Mamma is not feeling so well. We might have to go to the hospital.

Then I started crying and I said Papà is Mamma going to die tonight and then Papà said I don't know Campione, but she is feeling very ill. I became angry, I just wanted to stay with Mamma, but they wouldn't be home. So first I struggled against Papà but then I was so tired I walked along. I kissed Mamma a lot of times and weeped.

Papà brought me to Daniel and Amanda. I went into Nolan's room. I looked at him, he was sleeping and didn't even know I was there too. I lied down in the sleep over bed and it was super cold. I stared at the ceiling and I could only cry but quietly because I didn't want Nolan to wake up and hear me. So I sometimes pushed my face in the pillow and prayed if Mamma could please stay alive and I could see her tomorrow.

And then I fell asleep and when I woke up, I was so confused and tired and then I remembered so I went out of bed and downstairs, asked if I could borrow their phone. Of course they said so I called Papà, but he didn't pick up and I called Mamma but she couldn't pick up I guess and then I started crying but Nolan's mother Amanda comforted me. I was so scared Mamma passed away. She tried to call again and then Mamma picked up and said she was home and I could come. I was so relieved I only cried more.

I didn't have to go to school so I went home and to the backyard so she didn't have to walk all the way for me. And when I came in the backyard Mamma was sitting in the rocking chair in the living room, typing on the typing machine and I waved and she waved back. I was so happy to see her.

But the door was locked and I didn't have a key so I was very hard panicking and then Mamma said it's okay sweet ragazzo, Papà will come soon with the key. So I went on my wooden horse and showed Mamma tricks but I wanted to hug her but the window was keeping us apart. Sometimes I stepped off and kissed the window and she would press her fingers against the window so I kissed her hand. I would press my lips on the window for so long and it felt so safe to kiss Mamma's hand. I then went back to doing tricks on the horse, waiting for Papà to please finally come home.

Mamma watched me and smiled but sometimes I saw that she started acting weird. But then she would smile again and it would be okay and I did't worry so much.

I was riding the horse and catching cattle when I heard a loud noise. I looked at Mamma and I saw how the typing machine had fallen on the floor and Mamma's eyes were closed and her body twitched on the rocking chair.

I screamed 'Mamma! Mamma!' but she didn't answer and then she lay still and didn't move and I bounced on the windows 'Mamma, Mamma please wake up! Mamma!' and I could not open the door because it was still locked and Papà had the key but Papà was gone and I don't know where.

My hands hurt from the bouncing but I didn't stop and I screamed and cried and wanted to break the window but I didn't know how and then Poppy ran into the backyard and more people and then Poppy said come here sweetheart and I went to her house. Poppy gave me coca cola and biscuits and wiped my tears away, but I wanted to go to Mamma.

Mamma is in good hands, sweetie. She said and she put on a film for me so I could calm down. But I didn't drink the coca cola and didn't eat the biscuits I was so worried. I sat on the couch crying and shaking and I didn't know where Papà was and if Mamma was okay.

Then I heard the ambulance and the police and they came to my house and I watched through the windows and saw Papà's car but Poppy said sweetie look at the television, it's about cowboys. But I didn't want to watch, I just wanted to be home with Mamma and Papà.

Can we please have a look Poppy. I asked and she said no, we will hear later but I cried so hard please Poppy I want Mamma and see her and Papà is home. Alright Poppy said and we went back to my house but Poppy talked first before I was allowed and then I saw Papà lying on the floor crying, his knees pulled up and I didn't hear him crying but the floor was wet and there were so many tears and then I heard him screaming and he pulled me on the floor against him and cried in my shoulder and then I knew it was very bad.

Mamma passed away in the chair I saw it and then I can only think one thing.

Papà where were you??????

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Thoughts...?

Sweet Benjamin.. ):