When the morning comes

19 | out of place

Rain blew against the window, the strong wind made the shutter rock back and forth. With great force, the rain shower soaked the house and meadows beneath her. I opened my eyes. The music of Benjamin's game Hayday played loudly in my right ear. I turned over to my side, watched him snuggled in my covers, his hands and my phone resting on Aurora's pillow as he was lied down on his stomach, head resting on one of his arms.

He glanced at me, played with his earlobe. "The boat just got back and I received a ticket so now I finally bought a horse. This is my first horse, because at first I bought a dog which I regret because it costed me a few tickets so I had to save longer to get a horse."

"I get it. It's Friday and you have the day off, but you know you have to ask when you take my phone." My voice was hoarse. Tired. Didn't want to be used today.

"Are you going to start already?" Benjamin furrowed his eyebrows and threw the phone onto the pillow, turning his back to me. I could tell he was staring at the drops that gently rolled down the window.

"I suppose that's the question I need to ask you."

Benjamin kicked the covers away, pulled up his pajama shorts and leaned his elbows on the windowsill. His nose was pressed against the window, his gaze fell onto something on the left. I knew exactly what he was gazing at, and my guts started to feel heavy by the look of the weather, the sound of the wind. The flowers must be destroyed.

Taking a deep breath, I mentally scolded myself for starting the day like this. I had given him a day off on purpose, knowing how his emotions could be all over the place on a day like this. What was the harm of him playing a game without asking, I thought. Yet at the same time I knew if I let it slip, he could pick up on that and start doing it regularly.

"Did you name the horse?"

Benjamin didn't answer and I knew sooner or later, he'd explode, his Italian temper not being able to suppress itself. However, when he turned back around, it was in a way I hadn't expected. Tears cascaded down his rosy cheeks and only then, I saw the damp on his hair.

"What's wrong?"

"Mamma's- Mamma's flowers.." He hiccuped, hiding his face in his shirt as he pulled the neck. "I tried to pluck them before the wind.. but- and then the.. but I forgot the Edelweiss and now-"

A lump formed in my throat. "Come here." He let himself fall onto the bed, turned his back to me but allowed me to wrap my arms around his body. I felt him shaking, felt how he tried to hold back his sobs. "Come on, it's okay. Cowboys cry too. Just let it out."

"It's not okay!" He tried to get out of my grip. "I'm so dumb, Mamma's favourite flowers are Edelweiss and I plucked the others first and now the wind destroyed her favourites and-"

"Benji, you're not dumb. It's alright." I was exhausted. My phone kept vibrating and the Hayday song was still playing in the background. He struggled to get out of my grip, so I let him go. He sat on the edge of the bed and turned his head, watching his fingers as they brushed over the covers of the bed.

"We didn't make cornetti's and we didn't sing for her and we didn't buy a present and we didn't surprise her with breakfast in bed and I didn't make a drawing for her. And then I also can't get the Edelweiss it's all she wants. A cappuccino. Kisses. Cuddles." Benjamin stopped crying, but his chest was rising and falling erratically. "And you don't even want to come out of bed and this day sucks. I hate it and I hate tomorrow too. Why can't my Mamma turn thirty two today and other Mamma's get ninety?"

My lip quivered, but ironically as I told Benjamin it's alright to cry, I sucked my emotions in and sat up. I could feel the anger inside of him, he beamed it out. "Benji, I am getting out of bed and if you want to make cornetti's we can still do that."