When the morning comes

30 | outstretched hands

"Papà, I want to ask-" Benjamin stormed down the stairs, the paper he was holding in his hand fluttering because of his pace. His gaze was fixed upon the rocking chair, which creaked by the impact of my feet pushing it back and forth.

"What's up?" I looked up at him, saw how he blinked his eyes, harshly. "I'm revising the tests."

"Can't you sit there? Reckon it's better to do that at the table?" He avoided eye contact, reached for my wrist and pulled at it. I didn't question any further, sat down at the table to save his emotions.

"What is your question?"

Benjamin seemed befuddled. He couldn't bring out a word for a long moment. It made my heart sink to the lowest point, my fears slowly becoming reality. "Benji.."

A deep breath left his parted lips. A head shake. A few blinks. "Papà, I'm eleven yeah?"

"I suppose you are." I smiled at him, wondered what he wanted.

"Well.." Benjamin glanced at the rocking chair, swallowed and laid the paper down in front of me. I scanned it. It was empty. "You always arrange the stay overs at Unc Teddy and Daniel and stuff, right?"

"Yeah.." Where was he going with his words?

"Well.." He chewed onto his upper lip and glanced at me, not being able to hold eye contact, which made me narrow my eyes. "I want to be more mature. I want to arrange it on my own. I want to ask Teddy if I can sleep over soon."

"Okay.."

"But I want to do it all by myself. I'm eleven after all and then I don't want you to interfere with it, okay?" Benjamin sat down at the table, let out a deep sigh and played with the paper in front of him. "So can you maybe write down that it's okay if I sleep over, with a signature? So they don't have to call you, because I want to do it myself."

"They?"

"Unc Teddy or Daniel." He answered quickly.

"Is everything alright between you and Nolan?"

"Papà, that's not the question." His forehead turned into a deep frown, with his grey eyes lingering on my face. "Will you help me?"

The question was a little odd, but I could also understand him. When I was his age, I didn't like how my mother treated me like a toddler still, only because my sisters were long out of that phase and I was the only child left. I felt ashamed among my peers, so I agreed and wrote something down for Benjamin.

Benjamin smiled. "Thanks Papà."

"Sure, amore." I watched him jog over to the stairs, but I stopped him before he could go further. "Are you going to bed?"

"Do I have to?"

"Yes, it's over eight already." A deep sigh was heard. "Brush your teeth, go for a wee, change your underwear and step in bed. I'll come tuck you in later, alright?"

"No." He frowned. "I'm eleven."

"Reading.." I trailed off, remembering his reaction from last time. Benjamin didn't look at me, stared at the wall. It said enough. "Go to sleep. Dormi bene, Campione."

"Buona notte, Papà."

"And Benji?"

He slowly turned his face to me, but looked down.

"Is everything alright? I didn't know the rocking chair still made loose so many emotions and.."

"Sleep well, Papà." He stormed upstairs, but closed the bathroom door with a soft thud. Playing with my pen, I figured now was the right time to see if Benjamin really slept at the time I put him to bed. With his sleeping behaviour changed so drastically, I'd only had the thought once that maybe he did not sleep after he was put to bed, but did other things until it would be late, and therefore woke late the morning after.