When the morning comes

32 | when home becomes a different house

"Did he mention anything lately?" Poppy held my face in her hands, her gesture forcing me to calm down. "Has he been acting strange, sweetheart."

I tried to get enough air, took deep breaths while my eyes raked over Poppy's caring appearance. Her white hair was messy, tucked into a long braid. Her nightdress hung loosely around her thin body, with her warm slippers covering her feet. "I'm such a failure. What kind of dad am I? So much happened when Aurora was sick and-"

"Nonsense, Zev. Now, use your mind, think straight. If he has been acting strange lately, what kind of moments were they? Maybe we can link happenings to locations."

I looked sideways when the door opened, Teddy running inside. He wore his neat, pastor jacket over his pajamas, which would have made me smile if it wasn't for this situation. "I cannot lose another child. He's all I have right now. What if something happened to him? I lost my daughter, my wife and now my son?"

Teddy embraced me, laid his hand in my neck, a gesture I'd always done to my own son. "Rosie is asking more people from church to start looking for him. We're with a lot of people, and he's just on his bike. He cannot be so far from here. We will find him, I promise you."

"How can you be so sure?" I tried to pull away from Poppy, but she wouldn't let go of me. It frustrated me.

"After all that you have been through, we will do anything to find him." Poppy spoke, her voice creaky, but certain. "We cannot and do not want you to go through any more pain, darling."

"Then let me go, I need to find him." I pulled away from her, looked around me, bewildered. Poppy had dragged me back inside the moment she had heard me scream for my son when I stepped outside the house. She thought we needed to think rationally, instead of out of pure and heavy emotions. I knew she was right, but what else could I do?

It was nearing two am, and my heart couldn't bear thinking about Benjamin, a child, alone on the streets at midnight. It was a fairly safe village, but one person could change it all.

"Let's think rationally, son." Teddy reached for my wrist, not allowing me to go outside. "You're unstrung, which is more than understandable, but not really useful in a situation like this. Think about it.. where could he have gone to?"

"God only knows, Teddy." My head was about to explode. With thoughts. With pain. "One of the options would be you, but clearly he never arrived there."

"We paid attention while driving here, and I haven't seen him on the way. Then again, he could have taken several paths and roads to get to us. Why do you think he would have gone our way?" Teddy asked, his voice clear. If I would act through my emotions, it wouldn't end well.

"Don't know.. he sleeps at your house sometimes. Maybe he was angry at me or something, wanted to stay somewhere else. Otherwise maybe Daniels place, or.."

"Rosie is on her way to Daniel. I think we can expect a call soon."

My lip quivered, Teddy still held my wrist as tightly as he could. He whispered out a prayer. About God bringing him back home safely, without evil getting to him.

Salomé appeared in my mind, and I strongly felt the need to speak with her. I needed her comfort, I craved for her warmth, consideration and love. I needed her around me in this moment. That's when I knew that I truly had feelings for her, no matter what life had brought me, no matter what had happened with Aurora, no matter what my rational feelings told me. I had grown feelings for Salomé, although small and fragile, and I needed her here with me.

I wanted to reach for my phone, groaned innerly when Teddy stopped me when another phone rang. "Rosie." My heart started beating extremely loud, the suspense literally killed me. Teddy picked up, his concerned face turning even more worried. My guts grew so heavy that I wanted to fall down onto the floor and cry.