Five Nights In Anime | Heart To Soul Discontinued

Chapter 6 Part 1 - 5

---1Am---

I stared down at the mess of a dead body laid out on the floor... Staring with intensity... "I fear what I'll become... I fear I'll end up the same in extreme hostility... I fear change from where I stand now..." I thought to myself as I looked at my hands... Flashing in and out of reality... I saw the human in me... I saw the human hands I should bare... Yet I don't... Because it's been took away from me... It's been lost to me... I can't understand why life had to be so abrupt to ending... Looking up from my hands... I stared out at the parking lot... at the two car's with in it... Flashing in front of me... The day I brought Chelsy here in Katie... Day and with out clouds in the sky... so nice... so blue... Us stepping out the car together... Back to reality the darkness of starless night... "Mom... I wish I had the chance to have a open talk with you... To tell you the love I have in my life... That you're boy died happy... and not heartless and alone in death..." I started mumbling... as Freya, Bonnie, and Chica stood up from crouching around the Body... looking at me with concerned interest...

"And dad... I wish... We'd spent more time together... All those days you worked months on months of overtime... just to keep the family afloat... never taking a break... Left us with so little memories to had shared together... but the knowing that you never could make them makes me smile... knowing it to be from the love you had for us... To keep us in heat... in AC... In food... in Tv... to keep us a roof... to get me a car... I wish I could have got one last hug before I became what I am now... I wish I could have sat down... and had told you how little the bullies and struggles I went through at school meant to me... and just how strong... and how many great... loving friends I had around me to keep me busy and distracted from the pain and depression school caused me... Wish I could had silenced you're worries that you're boy lived in pain before I passed... And a final chance to tell you how I learned to be a person that I grew to be because of you... the love... and care I bare all influenced and formed from watching you..." I continued tears slowly filling my eyes... and building up... but not allowing to flow...

"Buddy... I wish I had the chance to hug you one last time... to feel you're overly slobbery kisses drowned my face, You made the hardest times in life seem to just go away... You comforted me... You protected me...... You saved me..." I just kept going as I grew that struggling feeling to control your mouth and face from resisting the need to frown... but my body kept winning the struggle...  "So many things to do... so many things I can't do now... So many people I love, so many who cared... So much is took... so much is gone... Chelsy... Take that car, take it with pride... It's you're girl... and she's a good solid girl who will protect you what ever the road is you travel... No matter how ruff it gets... how shitty it rides... She'll protect you with her life and her motor's every turn... And Mom... dad... I love you both... I miss you and it's been so long since I abandoned you... in a time of such emotional stress... I hope that you have figured out the reason why I had to... Keep Chelsy happy... Make her know she was always on my mind... she even is now... and... Buddy... The best boy I ever met... the best dog a crumbling family could ever ask to ever have... Protect the family... protect them... love them... comfort them... and back to you Chelsy You better push forward..." I just didn't stop... I didn't even know why... But something inside me was just wanting to be let out... and this... was it... Bonnie slowly... calmly... respectfully and caringly walked over to me as the tears started to flow down my cheeks... and hugged me... starting off gentle... and soft... but growing tight and firm with a comforting warmth to it...

"What ever problem faces your way you'd better punch it in the throat and walk your happy ass forward from it with your head held high... I won't let you excuse failure to move towards better days... So when you sit down at night... Don't cry... Don't glue your mind to me... like Mine is to you... do not be reminded by the pictures of me on the walls at night... don't cry... don't let your flame inside die... keep you're heart on your head... and your mind in your heart because they will take you through the world... and they will keep you out of harms way... DO not cry... do not feel pain when you think of the moments we had together... do not find blame in yourself when you sit down in my car's seat... Don't stumble to your knee's when you start to miss me... I fear every minute what I am... what I'll someday become..." I kept going... growing more and more emotional by the second... 

"I fear if I never come back... what will become of me... But no matter where I go from here... My love of my life stand by my side... friends I never thought I deserved to have, stand back to back with me... A sisterly loving friend stands the extra miles I walk to make sure I'm safe... So fear not for me when you sit down and think about the last moments... and the life I live after death... because It won't come for me until this life I lived is fulfilled... My goals... my want... My soul will not rest till I am sure... and with my own eyes can see it all again... till I can see you again... till I can step free from the Convention... till I can step out free from the world's tie's and confinements in this mix of life and death I live... So... Remember... what I've always told you growing up... Smile for pictures... Pick and choose the friends who love and cherish you... Protect your heart and stay brave... Always hold onto mom and dad... and take care of mom and dad... but take care of you're self... and that daughter growing strong with in you... and alwasy remember... I love you... I love you all... and I hope to see you in my self again one last time before I leave this world for good someday..." I Cried... trying my best to stay strong... but a man with half his things torn away from him... is a man half broken... and someone that broken can't stand to be strong when there only half what they used to be...

"And I almost forgot to do something... Aron... Matthew... The friends who stuck with me since the 4th grade... The most down to earth respectful idiot's I ever met... the greatest friends a guy could fucken ask for... Dealing with all these years of my shit... my problems you guys listened to spew out my mouth... the Tears and times I spilled out my heart and worries and you guys gave a shoulder to lean on... and a hand to hold onto... Thank you... Fucken thank you brothas... God damn me to hell if I get out of here... and don't see you again... one day I hope to sit down and have a long awaited bro moment... Where I can truly let you guys know how much you fucken mean to me... and god damn it if I could rewind it... I'd change not a single good or bad moment we all shared... because No matter what I love you guys and you'll both always be my brother's... And god damn it Should you two ever see parent hood I know for damn sure you'll both be good at it..." I cried... my chest feeling that weird way it does when You're unable to stop yourself from crying... My mid face feeling gentle pain to accompany it...

Taking a stuttered breath every moment with my Friends... my family... My Sister... my Dog Buddy... and Moment spent in my Car... all came back in a flash... So much to take at one time I had to take my arms around Bonnie and just hug her tight... My lust to let out my deep... inner regrets... Inner thoughts... Inner feelings... had been fulfilled and damn did it feel good... to be feeling this shit... Tear's slowly drained down Bonnie's eyes as she hugged me tight... and had no intent of letting me go... In the corner of my eyes I could see Chica and Freya on the edge of tears just listening to all I'd had to see... "I want to say something to comfort you... I want to say something to make you know everything will be alright... and I'm just... at a loss for words to do a damn thing!" Bonnie complained frustrated with herself as my tail wrapped around her and me almost making it back around one full circle... and my ears laid back further then they already where... "You're actions speak louder then any words... And right now... Your fucken hug is speaking a Poem..." I told her appreciative in a emotional form for her... In the distance the cries and screams of the other guard screaming for help... his struggles and wails heard through out the convention... as the other's had hold of him...

---To Be Continued---

So... How the chapter make you feel : D