How can having someone strike you, perhaps to the point that you cry out in pain, not be abuse? "Consent is the magic word," says Nimbi.
"While mainstream sexual encounters also stress the importance of consent, consent often takes the form of an unstated, implicit assumption based on perceived behavioral displays of interest or willingness," note University of British Columbia psychologists Carol Dunkely, PhD, and Lori A. Brotto, PhD in a paper published April 22, 2019, in the journal Sex Abuse. (11) "The BDSM community takes consent further, demanding explicit rather than tacit consent."
In a dominant-submissive "scene," for instance one in which one person is going to be flogged, it's standard practice for the "dom" or "top" and the "sub" or "bottom" to first negotiate at length and then contract, often in writing, what the sub is willing to do, what they might be willing to do, and what is off-limits before they begin to "play."
They also must agree on a safe word or gesture that the sub can use at any time to stop the action. That means that if there's any potential for pain, both players are aware of the rules and of their own limits. Ironically, it also means that the sub actually has more control of the scene than the dom since he or she defines the parameters and has the power to stop the action at any time, for any reason.
"There is no community on the planet more committed to the concept of consent than the BDSM community," says Valerie White, a lawyer and founder of the Sexual Freedom and Education Fund, a nonprofit advocacy and education group based in Sharon, Massachusetts. "Of course, you can come across a rogue, just as you can in any group. But if anyone crosses the line, they are cast out so quickly it would make your head spin to see it."
Common safe words include:
* Red
* Pineapple
* Banana
* Peach
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List of Kinks/Fetishes (A-Z) + bonus information
Non-FictionLiterally what the title is, obviously has mature themes, be advised. If I miss out on anything, please message me so that I can add to the list.
