The Invitation lh

Control

TRIGGER WARNING: Mentioning of Sexual Assault and Self Harm

Ronan

I had woken up on my front lawn.

My dress sitting messily. My shoes thrown carelessly.

My confused state instantly turned to horror when I felt a throbbing pain in between my legs, and last nights memories came flooding back in.

I felt so sick.

I pulled myself off the ground and walked slowly up the stairs to my room.

Tears coming down my face.

I walked into the bathroom and flinched at the sight.

I had mascara all over my face, and bruises all over.

My hair was sticking up all over the place. And my dress was pulled up.

Bruises forming all over the inside of my thighs.

I pulled my dress off slowly, watching myself in the mirror as my eyes looked more broken each time I moved.

I got into the shower and washed myself. I felt absolutely disgusting and broken.

All I can think of is how I shouldn't have gone. My vision becomes more blurry as I think back to the memories.

And a certain someone who was recording the events taking place.

I knew then in there that it would never get better.

I grabbed a razor that I used to cut Luke's hair at the beginning of the year and dragged it across my wrists.

The pain immediately making me feel a little better rather than the usual numbness.

I found my ways to cope.

Looking in the mirror, I needed some sort of control. So I started chopping my long chocolate brown hair.

I grabbed the bleach that I had stowed away from when I was too chicken to do anything but wanted to have it in case, started mixing the ingredients. I then began to go at my hair.

Feeling somewhat accomplished and a little better, I cleaned up my mess and spent the rest of the weekend laying in my bed only moving to go to the bathroom or to eat every now and again.

Although I hadn't had much of an appetite.

When I walked in on Monday, I knew I looked more broken as I walked in.

Even though it was pretty hot for almost being November, I wore a lot of layers to hide the bruises. I wore a black shirt with a flannel and my black skinny jeans and my beat up converse.

I walked past the Jocks who were laughing and fist bumping while shouting names at me like, "slut" "you wanted it" etc. I walked into my first period with glossy eyes and killed time.

Michael still mouths funny stuff to me in 2nd and I couldn't even crack a small smile.

Calum and I haven't spoken much other than the usual small talk in 3rd.

A few people stared at me in my classes, I can't tell if it's because of my hair or because they heard of what happened at the party.

I'm assuming my hair because Calum immediately complimented it when I walked in and sat down.

"Your hair looks so pretty, did you do it yourself ?" He asks, eyes glistening while admiring my hair. "Thank you, I did indeed do it myself." I replied giving a small smile.