The albatross journey

41 - Losing control

Sanem

With a pang in my heart I hear him accept Dilara's invitation to lunch. Here we go again, I think to myself, as usual Can Divit can't help but satisfy his huge ego by letting himself be wooed by any woman who shows interest in him.

After getting into the car with Hakan I see them walking along the pavement together, heading who knows where, and I can't help but feel a twinge in that stupid heart that still feels like his and feels him as an essential part of itself, despite all that it has suffered.

I shake my head to regain some clarity as I manage with great difficulty to follow Hakan's work talk. I can't stop thinking about that simit, his promise to enjoy every precious moment when we're together and his words that once again sounded so sincere.

We arrive at a nice restaurant with checkered tablecloths and stained glass windows, Hakan always knows very special places in Istanbul as well as in Ankara and manages to surprise me every time. We sit down and, after ordering, continue to take stock of the current campaigns so as to reorganise the week's work in relation to the fact that I will be busy all day on the Zarafet photo shoot.

- I was surprised that the great international photographer Can Divit decided to take on a campaign that was modest by his standards, I didn't know him personally but he has a reputation for photographing the most remote places in the world.
I have always liked his way of making art through the lens, I know that he collaborates from time to time with his father's agency, Fikri Harika, but I had never heard that he also works with other agencies here in Turkey-.

It's not easy for me to talk about Can, but I have to answer trying to make an effort and give an indifferent tone to my words.

- I'm surprised too, I know that he did the HXC Cosmetics campaign after I left the agency, but I had no idea that he also accepts these types of engagements -

- I happened to see some photos online of you with him at the presentation of the "Obsession" campaign -

It catches me off guard, I hadn't thought that it might actually be strange that I was working for one agency and attending a product launch for another.

- Yes, in fact I was invited to the evening by my sister, who is engaged to Emre Divit, and surprisingly Can Divit invited me up on stage to thank me on behalf of the agency for my contribution in the early part of the campaign.

-Well, that was a nice gesture on his part, wasn't it?
He also had words of praise for you yesterday during the meeting, he must really appreciate you if he wanted you with him in this project at all costs.

- Let's say he's a guy who likes to play it safe and, knowing the way I work, he wanted to make sure he got the maximum cooperation from our agency, that's all.

- So he's your brother-in-law's brother? I didn't think there was a family connection between you -

I can't help but think what kind of bond I would have loved to have with him at one time, but all I can do now is shrug my shoulders in sigh.

-Yeah.

I seem to catch a strange look in Hakan's eyes for a moment, but as it appeared, that flash of interest seems to disappear as he goes back to talking about work. We finish lunch and head back to the car, and as soon as we get in and buckle up, he asks me a question that takes me completely by surprise.

- How are you Sanem? I'm not talking about work, I'm talking about the most private thing, your heart.
You don't seem happy -

I don't know how to answer this question, I sigh looking out of the window - Nothing that a solitary walk by the lake can't calm and keep Hakan at bay, I try to find the meaning of my life in work and friendships without thinking about what can never be and what I can never have -