The albatross journey

55 - Choices and promises

Sanem

I turn around as I shake my head, not sure whether I'm more amused by his cheekiness or exasperated by that sly way of his that always manages to get the better of me.

I close the front door, leave my shawl and shoes at the entrance and go upstairs with a myriad of feelings crowding and alternating inside me.
On the one hand I am happy for the beautiful day I spent today with him, Mihriban and Aziz. I felt sad that I would only know him on his birthday and it was wonderful to be able to be with him once again on such a special day.
I can't deny that I enjoyed every single moment when I could meet those dark eyes that have been giving me unknown shivers ever since I was accidentally held in those muscular arms, so long ago, in the darkness of a theatre.
It was thrilling to see him smile happily at his father's closeness and at the beautiful thought Mihriban had for him. He did not expect to be celebrated and the embrace in which he held me after blowing out the candles shook me deeply, I must admit, the sense of belonging to that warmth, that strength, that scent overwhelmed me.
It felt so right, so perfect to be with him... ah Sanem ah!

I'm excited about the evening ahead, looking back I realise this is the first time he's officially taken me out for a romantic and elegant dinner. I can't deny that I can hardly hide my excitement and anticipation for the evening ahead. Somehow this persistent courtship of his is breaking down millimetre by millimetre the wall I've erected against him at the thought that he could still hurt me.
I lie on the bed staring at the ceiling with my hands behind my head in disbelief at the thought that he has even decided to rent the flat next to mine, I don't know how that makes me feel either. On the one hand I feel like I've been made fun of for keeping this from me for days while on the other I can't stop my heart from pounding at the thought of what this means. How hard did he work to be as close to me as possible? Not only did he come all the way to Ankara to work with me, he even wanted to be my neighbour and that means a lot.
My goodness, Sanem, you're slowly melting in front of his attentions, his romantic words, the declarations of love he has made to you since the very first moment he returned to Istanbul. He didn't miss a chance to tell you that he wants you, that he cares about you, that he is repentant and now he is trying to show you with facts that he is willing to do anything to be with you this time. Can this be enough? Can you expect to trust him again?

I shake off these lucubrations as I get out of bed, surrendering to the realisation that I am incapable of finding an answer to this question that doesn't terrify me to the core.
On the one hand it could mean jeopardizing what little has remained intact of my stupid heart in love, but at the same time I can not help but tremble at 'idea of having to live a life characterized by the constant lack of him.
I sigh disconsolately as I head towards the bathroom door to take a shower when, out of the corner of my eye, I notice an icon flashing on the screen of the laptop that I must have left on this morning before leaving the house.
I decide to take a quick look before going to get ready for the evening, imagining that it's some message from Hakan or Dilara, but I frown in puzzlement because the sender is completely unknown to me. I open the message with curiosity and my heart starts beating wildly with excitement and disbelief.

"Miss Aydin, my name is Umut Kaya, I am the editorial director of Günisigi Kitapligi Publishing. I apologise for the delay in contacting you, but due to a mix-up, your complete manuscript has been sitting for some time on the desk of a colleague of mine who was absent for health reasons.
I was very impressed by your writing style and by the message of strength and hope conveyed by the figure of the Phoenix that you describe in your book. A creature that, in spite of everything, finally proves to be able to be reborn from the ashes of the fire in which it has burnt for so long for love.
I am convinced that it is worth bringing this story to the general public, as it can be an encouragement and a lesson to many people who cannot find the strength to react to adversity.