🖤the cure oneshot book🖤

talking...

Sitting on the ground of my bathroom, the walls seemed to spin around me. The room was spiraling and I felt sick to my stomach. Another night alone, spent on the ground in tears. I wished I was different, that I didn't have to do this to myself. It's my fault anyways, so why am I crying?

Broken sobs racked my body, I knew it was a panic attack. However I just don't know why I was having one in the first place. Maybe because it was dark, or because the thoughts in my head wouldn't shut up.

Why can't I be good enough? I fuck up everything i touch- why do i even bother?!

Sometimes I dream that I am someone different. That i didn't have to feel this way ever since passing second. No one even bothered to ask if I was alright! I was a shell of my former self and no one even bothered to notice. Was it that bland? No wonder people forget I exist...

Knock knock knock

The sudden sharp knock on the bathroom door startled me. Who could be here, at this time of night?! It had to be 3 in the morning, and I knew it couldn't be Robert or the rest of the band. They had gone out drinking as they always do with their girlfriends.

"Eloise? Are- are you in there?" Simon's voice came through the door. Great, Simon was the last person I wanted to see at the moment. Simon was one of my best friends, but i cant bear to be around him; especially when i accidentally fell for his stupid mug....

"Fuck off simon!" I snarled, hugging my knees to my chest; desperately trying to fold in on myself in hopes of simply becoming one with the dirty floor I was sitting on.

"Eloise! Please open the door- what are you doing in there this late?" Simon barked, knocking on the door one more time. "If you don't open the bloody door I'll knock it down!" Simon warned, and as much as I wanted to scream at him to go away, I knew that Simon meant it when he said that he'd knock the door down.

I grabbed fistfuls of my hair, ready to rip chunks of it out before standing up and storming over to the door and slinging it open. "What the fuck do you want?!" I roared in Simon's face. Fuck- i was ready to beat him up; but the moment i saw those confused brown eyes all my anger simply went away.

"Eloise... What's going on?" Simon asked. How could I answer a question like that? I don't want Simon to think less of me- I'm already such a let down to the rest of the band... I'd die if Simon thought of me as someone who was weak.

"N.... nothing- i was, erm" i stumbled over my words, trying to think of a good excuse but nothing was coming up; so instead i turned it onto simon. "What are you doing?" I retorted, crossing my arms and stepping away from simon.

"W-well i rang a few times but you never answered so i dropped by to see if you were alright.." Simon said softly, looking hesitant. Like he already knew what was going on- that scared me. I didn't want him to know.

"Why wouldn't I be alright?" I snapped, glaring at simon. "W-well these past months you've been acting funny... I'm not daft, I can see the signs." Simon said, suddenly starting to approach me. "I'm worried about you.. You never go out anymore, you don't smile or laugh- i haven't seen you eat a bite of food in days.." simon said.

I froze in my spot. Out of all people, why did Simon have to see right through me?

"I-it's not.." I choked up, I couldn't get the words out. Suddenly I felt hot tears burning my face as they rolled down my cheeks. I covered my mouth with my hand, choking back more sobs. He must think I'm pathetic....

"I-i'm sorry" I whispered, lowering my head in shame. "I'm sorry- i'm so sorry i didn't- i-i'm sorry!" i repeated, unable to stop saying those stupid words. I don't even know why I'm apologizing to him.

"Eloise- stop" Simon said, but I just couldn't.

"I-i'm sorry..'' I whispered, covering my eyes. I couldn't breathe, it felt like my chest was about to collapse until suddenly I felt Simon's arms wrapping around me. I felt Simon pulling me into his chest, and now I was surrounded by his scent. "Stop apologizing for something that isn't your fault.." Simon's gentle voice whispered into my ear.

"B-but.." I protested, but Simon silenced me by hugging me tighter. "But nothing. I'm not angry with you, so stop apologizing... if anything I'm angry at myself for being too scared to say something to you..." Simon said, his voice sounding regretful. "You are my closest friend... I hate that you feel like this.." Simon whispered, "and I'm sorry I didn't start the conversation earlier." Simon finished.

I slowly realized that Simon meant his words. I had forgotten how... well spoken he could be at times despite his stutter and bird brain. I found myself melting into his embrace, it felt so nice to be held by him. I wonder if it always felt this good to be in his arms.

"I-im so tired simon.." I croaked, exhaustion washing over me. I was still crying, but now I could at least breathe. "I know. Come on... let's sit; you're probably exhausted.." Simon whispered gently, pulling me over to the toilet and sitting down with me on his lap. Simon rubbed my back slowly, his chin resting on my shoulder. "I'll hold you for as long as you need to eloise..." Simon said.

I buried my face into the crook of Simon's neck, feeling like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. A shuddery breath passed my lips, and for a moment everything felt okay...

"I know I could never understand what you are going through eloise... but just know that you don't have to go through it alone, all of us are here for you... I am here for you.." simon spoke gently. "And- i never ever want you to have to sit and cry alone in the bathroom at 3 am because you feel like no one around you cares.... Because I care. I... eloise- i think i-"

"Hey si? Is eloise okay? I heard them yelling.." Robert poked his head inside the door, looking concerned- then surprised at the position he found Simon and Eloise in. Simon blushed and glared at robert. His chance had been ruined. "Yes, they're alright now... I'm just making sure they're okay." Simon said, hand resting in the small of my back.

Robert bit his lip, glancing at Eloise before taking the hint and ducking away.

I let out a weak laugh, sitting back so I could look at Simon's face. "Thank you simon. Really." I whispered, gazing at his face before slowly leaning forward and kissing his cheek. I then leaned against Simon's chest once more so he didn't have to see my blush.

"You're welcome.." simon whispered, sounding like he was in awe. 

~~~~~

this is dedicated for 

i hope this is alright, i tried to write it as realistically as possible <3