Needing (not edited)

Luke (15)

Welp, Levi was talking to Jasper until 8:00 last night. After, he studied. Then, he started blasting music, considering he could since mom and dad were both on business trips. They've been on a lot of those recently...

Anyway, while he was blasting music, I sang along to the song. He was playing Nirvana. Levi has good music taste, I'll give him that much. I sound like a cat getting murdered when I sing, and a frog in a blender when I dance. So at that moment, I looked like a frog getting murdered. Thankfully, Levi did not see nor hear me.

Levi never sings or dances. It's clear he wants to, though. I mean, the man himself said that he wanted to join theatre, and you think he doesn't want to sing or dance, both of which are occasionally included in the club. I've tried to tell him I wouldn't judge. Because seriously, there is no one worse at the musical arts than your's truly.

This may not seem like a huge deal. Okay, he doesn't want to jam out to his favorite songs. Big deal. I get that. But, the thing is that he doesn't do anything else. He barely speaks when he's not around me. Hanging out with me and my friends was the most talking I've seen him do in, like, three years. He doesn't want to go anywhere besides school, and even then, he doesn't want to get out of bed. Or go do anything.

Most of his days are spent in his bed, on his phone or reading. He draws a lot, too. Still, he's putting up a front for people. At school, he may be quiet but when he speaks, he's fun and bubbly. At home he's sulking around the house, only getting out from his room to get food. It's clear he isn't okay, and in all honesty, I'm not either. He's easily worse, though.

I know I should be letting him live. There's still something telling me I need to talk to him about it. Plus, we're the only ones who can help each other, right?

So, here's my theory: he's putting up a facade (like me) for everyone. On the call with Jasper, I could hear him. You could hear him trying to come off as a bubbly nerd, which he usually is, but in reality is a depressed junior in the quite-obviously-hell that is high school. I try to be a jock-ish golden boy. Hides the fact my grades are rapidly falling, and so is my mental health.

I'm not sure how the hell to fix either of us.

You may not be able to at all.

Oscar and Bella are doing their own thing, not needing anyone else. Apparently, that means replying to my desperate texts with, "Sorry. Busy right now. Talk later?"

And we never do.

Meanwhile, mom and dad have decided they're going to leave me and Levi alone in this house, stopping at home a couple days every few weeks. Occasionally they would be here in the mornings and not at night. Other times, it was switched. Now, it's simply that they're not here.

In order to stay on the basketball team, I need to keep my grades up. Luckily, I have a brother much smarter than me. He helps me with my homework and such. He can't do everything, however. One of my teachers, Mrs. Rutherford, says I might need a tutor. I know one may help, but I don't have time.

I need to go to school, do basketball practice, do my chores around the house, cook (or at least attempt to), everything needed to keep the house running. Levi does as much as he can, but school is swallowing him, also. Possibly, more than it is me.

So I can't get a tutor. It would take up too much time.

Or, at least that's what I thought until Mrs. Rutherford asked me to stay after class. Oh no.