Stardom

Making It

I was completely alone. Nothing to accompany me other than pure defeat and a growing fear of what I was going to do if things kept going this way. I really thought I had that job, thought that I was going to finally take my first steps on my path to Hollywood. But now, that dream felt further away than ever before. I curled my arms around my knees, sitting on my kitchen floor and thinking about the opportunities I'd let pass whilst waiting for this job, and the dwindling bank balance that was now becoming an even more worrisome issue. I still had to make rent on this place, and then there were groceries, bills. There was no way that my money would last for six months, we hadn't anticipated that it would have to. I felt like my own life was slipping through my fingers. I'd fought so long to get here, waited and saved and done everything that I could to secure a place where I could make my dreams come true, and now all of these problems were threatening to fuck it up. Ross was stuck back home, and I didn't even know when I'd see him again, leaving me feeling abandoned, whilst trying to juggle the things we were supposed to manage together, with him at my side.

What would happen if I didn't get any castings? If I kept getting rejected over and over again. My stomach lurched at the very thought, my mouth turning bitter with the concern that had me almost physically sick. I needed someone right now, someone to have my back, to assure me that things would work out and that I couldn't give up. But I had no one here. I'd made no friends since arriving here, and none of my friends back home were talking to me, all pissed that I could be so selfish as to leave town in pursuit of my dreams.

Assholes. I uttered in my head, anger now rivalling my fear and sadness.

Then there was my family, the people that I was sure, were waiting by the phone for a call exactly like this, crying and telling them that things weren't working out and that I needed help, or was giving up and coming home with my tail between my legs.

Not happening!

No matter how hard this was going to be, that would not be the outcome. I couldn't go back to living in that tiny town where nothing about my future would be bright. I wasn't going to end up stuck in a retail job that I loathed, earning minimum wage and living in a crappy apartment above the shop. I refused to accept that life. I refused to please people who couldn't accept my ambitions and support me as I strove to be the best that I could.

I thought about calling Ross, I knew that he'd console me, that he'd tell me everything that I needed to hear. But the idea of hearing it over a phone just felt hollow. I needed him, I craved the feel of his arms wrapped around me, of his head resting on mine as he cradled me against his chest and ran his fingers through my hair. He was my safety, my home and my soulmate, and being without him was killing me inside. I tapped my finger against my phone, deliberating whether or not to call him. It already seemed like every conversation we had was strained with one issue or another. Did I really want to add another to the mix? I sighed, deciding against the call, then getting to my feet, I plodded through to my bedroom and threw myself down onto the sheets, not even bothering to get undressed as I closed my eyes, falling into an exhausted and uneasy sleep.

I woke up before the sun had even risen, and after an unsatisfactory breakfast consisting of slightly stale, dry toast, and orange juice, I set up in front of my laptop, determined to find every single audition that day.

The list was a long one, branching all over the city, various parts on offer. I darted from place to place, barely making the cut off for three auditions, and not even getting to participate in two others, as they cast applicants who'd auditioned before me.

It was getting dark by the time that I trudged back into my apartment. I'd barely put the latch on the door when my phone started buzzing in my pocket. Glancing at the screen, the first genuine smile of the day graced my face as I saw Ross's face looking back at me.