Stardom

Reinforcements

I needed to get out of the apartment. Needed some space to breathe, and get my head straight away from the four walls that felt like they were still echoing with the harsh words from mine and Ross's heated exchange. I felt like I was in a daze as I walked along the street, stuck inside my own head. When I finally regained my ability to realise where I was, I'd already arrived at the beach and was sitting on the warm sand, the soothing sound of the crashing waves, keeping me from disappearing into the dark abyss in my head.

I never intended to take him for granted. I'd never even realised I had. But now, it was impossible to escape the fact that I'd trampled over Ross continuously in my pursuit of fame and glamour. He'd been a victim in my one-woman war for freedom and recognition, and now, I had to find a way to prove to him that it had all been worth it. That we were going to be okay. Even thinking about it, I was aware of the somewhat selfish reason which lurked underneath. I needed it to be okay.

My phone rang in my pocket, and I sprung to it quickly, hoping it might be Ross, and that I'd have an opportunity to tell him how much I love him, and how sorry I was. I hated the way we'd left things, and with him now doing an even riskier job, I couldn't bear the idea of him putting his life on the line thinking that I hadn't spared him a second thought, and didn't love him as much as I hoped he still loved me. It was disheartening to see that it wasn't him calling me, and I reluctantly accepted the call from Crystal, flopping back on the sand as I wished I could rewind time and undo all the crappy things I'd done.

"Hi," I said flatly.

"Wow, that's not a happy voice. What's wrong?"

"Not sure where to start," I admitted.

"That many things?" She asked, sounding surprised.

"Ever fucked up so badly that you can almost feel your entire life ripping apart at the seams?" I sighed.

"Where are you? I'll come meet you, sounds like you need a drink."

"It's barely the afternoon," I replied.

"Five O'Clock Somewhere," She said simply.

Once I'd explained where I was, I stared at my screensaver, looking at Ross's happy smile. I wanted to see him. To go find him and make him hear me as I told him how much I love him. But I knew that it was a bad idea. This wasn't just going to be fixed with the use of those three words, and humiliating him at a new job by bringing our personal issues into the station was definitely not something that could help fix the situation.

Still, I thought, my thumb hovering over the envelope icon, A quick text couldn't hurt.

Opening the messages, I clicked on Ross's name, and began typing, backtracking several times as I failed to find the right words to say after such a huge blow-out.

Settling on simple and to the point, I took a calming breath and tried again.

I'm sorry. For more than what I can even fit into this message. I don't want your first day to be filled with the baggage of my mistakes. So please, just enjoy getting to know your new team. I'm so proud of you, grateful to you, and happy for you. You'll be an amazing firefighter, and I promise, I'll always have your six. I love you. See you at home. X

I hit send and watched as it was marked as delivered, turning my attention to the horizon, hoping it would be enough to undo some of the damage I created today. No more than a few minutes had passed before my phone buzzed in my hand, and my heart skipped as I saw Ross's name on the screen. Taking it as a positive sign that he'd replied, I smiled to myself and quickly opened his message.