Stardom

In Too Deep

The steam from the shower was building quickly, creating a thick cloud of grey around the bathroom as I sat beneath the steaming water, my head bowed with tears streaming down my face, my body shaking with the strength of my sobs. Tipping my head up, I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling my tears mingle with the cascading water as it struck my sensitive skin from every angle, but no matter how much rained down upon me, not a single drop did anything to help wash away the shame and disgust that I felt.

"Selena?"

I heard the voice as though from the end of a tunnel, and couldn't bring myself to answer, my tears only falling heavier as running footsteps neared the bathroom, followed by Crystal dashing through the door with a startled gasp.

"Oh my..."

She stopped before me, leaning into the shower and switching off the water then scurrying away, returning a second later and wrapping a warm, fluffy towel around me, dropping to sit beside me and holding me close.

"I came as soon as I got your text, what happened?" She said fearfully.

I could hardly even remember sending it, a short plea for her help and the suite number to come to. I had no way of knowing if she'd even turn up, but she was the only person that I could think of, the only person that I had to reach out to.

"Lena, you're scaring me, you have to talk to me... please?"

With immense difficulty, I forced myself to speak, to explain everything that had happened. How I'd seen Jex with Dalton at the restaurant and how he'd sought me out at the club, she listened in silence throughout, continuously stroking my back in slow, gentle, comforting motions, only speaking when I found it too hard to continue.

"He asked you to sleep with him," She murmured.

The way she spoke made it sound more like a statement than a question, and she groaned as I managed to nod my head, giving me the distinct impression that this wasn't something that she was new to.

"Did he hurt you?" She asked gently.

I shook my head with a sniffle, rubbing at my eyes as they continued to spill burning hot tears of regret and shame.

"No, I didn't give him the chance to," I choked out, finally making eye contact with her, "I told him to stop, I couldn't go through with it."

Even through my puffy and blurry eyes, I could see Crystal's expression of pure relief and the way her shoulders relaxed as she let out a breath.

"You did the right thing," She said soothingly.

"No, I didn't, I did everything wrong, I keep doing everything wrong," I cried, a fresh load of tears pouring from my eyes.

"Lena, you-"

"I fucked up, Crystal. I chose to come here, I put myself in this situation and nearly betrayed Ross again. I'm a horrible person."

She shook her head as I buried my own in my hands, her fingers wrapping around my wrists and tugging my hands away from my face, forcing me to look at her.

"Don't do that," She scolded me, her eyes narrowed sternly, "You are not a horrible person. You've made mistakes, but those errors of judgement don't define you."

"Don't be so sure," I added weakly.

"We could all be hard on ourselves for the things that we do, the stuff that, in hindsight, we can clearly see wasn't the best decision," She said sympathetically, "But there's no point in that. You need to move on, you need to take notice of the stuff you did right, and in this instance, what you did right was saying no."