I Am Hated, Or So I Thought Volume 1

Chapter 4 - False Accusation

When I stopped talking, Senpai did not seem to be confused. She just sat in silence as she waited for me to speak. She did neither ask nor force me to talk about the continuation.

I did not want to continue for now. Just remembering that memory caused me to feel pain even though I thought I had lost such feeling. Perhaps, that was the start when I began to lost hope in anything. Maybe, that was the time I began to know that I was not loved by my mother, the person who I thought would always smile at me.

My mother who gave life to me, tried to kill me. I did not understand at that time, but when I matured more after that incident, I finally understood why my mother did that.

-She hated me. My face, my behavior, my voice, my speech. Everything. She said I was similar to my father, who betrayed her. Therefore, I should just disappear from her sight before I hurt her like how father did that to her. Receiving the full force of her hatred was causing me to lose what I call happiness. I lost that feeling. I lost what people called hope, and I gained what people named despair.

A hand suddenly moved my head to the bottom and I felt my head was put on a soft, warm and nice smelling thing. I felt the touch of fabric from my hair. When I opened my eyes, I saw Senpai's face with her signature gentle smile looking at me from above.

".... Senpai, wouldn't your boyfriend get angry if he know this?"

It was a lap-pillow by Senpai. I would not deny that it was comfortable but, something like this would cause more trouble than it was worth.

"Oh my, will he? I will need to have a boyfriend first for that to happen though?"

"A perfect girl like Senpai, it makes me wonder why you still have no lover. Perhaps, you are setting your bar too high?"

"Hmm, I think not. He just need to have a good head, passable look, above average strength and kind heart."

"That is what we call a bar too high."

She grinned mischievously which caused herself to look very charming. Gap moe was real after all. The usually gentle and cool Senpai, being mischievous was a rare sight of her. I became talkative when I had a conversation with her.

If I was my previous self, I would probably misunderstand her behavior and think that she had something for me. But, someone like her would never feel like that. I already experience this kind of thing twice in my life and was forced to realized the truth the hard way. She probably just played around with me since she thought of me as a pitiful guy. I did not feel particularly bothered by that since I did not lose anything even if that was the case.

If she lose her interest in me one day, I just hoped she would let me go peacefully without causing any pain.

".....Senpai. If you do this to just anyone, they might misunderstand, you know?"

A piece of advice from a worried junior. However, Senpai giggled as she replied to me. Even for me who was used to pretty girls like her, she was absolutely charming when she did that.

"First of all, I would not do this to just anyone. It's because it's you. Second, I don't mind if you misunderstand it as you please. I would be quite happy if you do."

".....trying to make an innocent boy like me to fall for you, quite a bad girl you are."

"Oh my, did you just confess your love for me then?"

"You know what I really want to say, so don't bother saying things like that."

"How boring. It would be fun if it is true though."

".....I feel the same way."

If I was able to really feel 'love' again, she would probably be the one who receive it from me. There was no other person who I think I could love anymore. The mother who tried to kill me still hated me. The sister who I put hope to help me became harsh on me. The childhood friend who I was my last beacon of hope turned me down and rejected my existence with her whole being.