Permanent [H.S. || A.U.] - Book 2 - ON HOLD

Chapter 14

Now is the time
For you and I to cuddle close together, yeah
All through the night
I'll save you from the terror on the screen
I'll make you see
That this is thriller
Thriller night
'Cause I can thrill you more
Than any ghoul would ever dare try

My anxiety has been shit the past few days.

The other night after dinner, Grayson told me that Lindsey called her while at work.

I was upset at first that she didn't tell me right away. It felt like she was babying me, thinking that I couldn't handle the information.

But we talked about it. I understand why she didn't tell me right away, I had just invited her to meet my family for Christmas and she wanted to preserve the happy moment. She understands my side of it as well, though. So, she promised that if Lindsey ever contacts me again that she will tell me right away.

It was a healthy conversation. I'm glad it didn't turn into a fight. We just listened to each other, let the other person share their feelings.

I kinda liked it.

It made me see how easy it can be to share how I'm feeling to Grayson without fear that she will get upset.

Communication and honesty really is so important in a relationship.

Despite how well our conversation went, my anxiety still has been running a muck because of thoughts of Lindsey contacting Grayson or I.

I want Lindsey out of my life. I'm sick and tired of the hold that she has had on me for so long.

With the anxiety I get around work, knowing how people are talking about me and my relationship behind my back, and the anxiety I get from all this bullshit with Lindsey...it's really starting to eat away at me.

I don't think I can go on like this. I feel the physical tole my mental health is taking on my body. And I can't just rely on Grayson to help me through it.

So, I decided to schedule an appointment with a doctor that specializes in treatment for mental illnesses.

The appointment will just be a consultation. There they will assess me and come up with a treatment plan that best suits me. Whether that be therapy, medicine, or whatever else.

It's hard to put your pride aside and ask for help like this. For the longest time, the idea of seeking professional help made me feel weak and small. It makes everything seem more real and more serious.

But it has gotten very serious for me. My body and mind physically hurt from how anxious I am.

I don't want to feel that way anymore.

That's why I made the appointment.

I want to get better. Well, as much as I can.

Not only do I deserve this, to not feel the anxious pain and to feel fully happy and content, but Grayson does too. She shouldn't have someone holding her back because of their reluctance for help.